32
SEBASTIAN
Just don’t hate me. Please don’t hate me.
It was pathetic. Of all the things running through my mind right now, those three words were the loudest.Don’t hate me.
How could I whine about the position I’d put myself in? Since the moment this began, I knew this time would come. Maybe in a year, maybe five, maybe twenty. Eventually, she was going to realize it was me.
But I’d hoped we’d build enough rapport by then. I’d hoped she would trust me. That she would understand I hadn’t done this to manipulate her or hold it over her.
I was just trying to help.
But you know what they say about intentions and the path to hell.
Gwen wanted the body, so I would take her to it.
It was too cold to go out in what she had worn here. I gave her one of my snowsuits and a winter coat. She stepped into them, all while juggling the now-loaded gun.
Hadn’t she realized yet? If I wanted to hurt her, wouldn’t I have done it while she was holding an empty, useless weapon?
The moment that thought ran through my mind, my stomach twisted and my head hurt, because of course she would keep the gun aimed at me. An hour ago, the two of us were wrapped in one another’s embrace, drunk on the warmth and comfort of each other’s skin. She’d professed her love, I’d professed mine, and then I did the very thing I had feared from the beginning.
I’d made her worst fear a reality.
I’d betrayed her.
Not only had I gotten rid of David’s body. I’d known how to do so. I’d lied to her, to everyone, too well.
I was too damn good at this, and that scared her.
Keeping the gun on me was smart.
But she didn’t understand.
If I wanted to keep her, I had to tell her the truth. I had to tell her everything.
That was the obvious conclusion, but as I led her from the primary suite down the steps and out the rear door, all with Honey at our side, my brain kept spinning.
What if she takes the body and gets pulled over with it in the trunk? What if she tells them what I’m about to tell her? I shouldn’t tell her. I can’t. It wasn’t the same thing. She won’t understand. It won’t make anything better. She’ll still hate me. She’ll hate that I lied, that I was so damn good at it, and she’ll hateme.
I can’t tell her.
But she’s going to see. There won’t be a way to hide it when I bring David’s body out of the grave.
Don’t I need that? Don’t I need to tell someone? Isn’t it time?
All her secrets are on the table. I know the worst things that she’s done. She deserves that same transparency, doesn’t she?
No.
No, because she’s never going to look at me the same after this.
But she’s never going to look at me the same anyway.
That’s why she needs the whole story.
Sick to my stomach, I led the way to the garage. Gwen’s fingers trembled around the gun, and I wanted to puke.
