4
GWEN
The nightmare woke me again.
I lay there in bed, staring at the cedar wood ceiling, waiting for my heart rate to settle. Bluish moonlight trickled in from the window on my right. It was the only luminance, just enough to remind me where I was, that I was safe in my bed, in my cabin, hundreds of miles from anyone who would hurt me. Honey snored at my feet, a reminder of that fact.
Eventually, my shaking hands would ease, my heart rate would slow, and I would fall back to sleep. That was the hope. There was a TV on the dresser before me, but no Internet. I could’ve popped in a DVD, but no guarantee that would put me to sleep either.
I still didn’t understand the nightmares. Even from an evolutionary standpoint. I’d gotten out. For almost a year, I had been out. I was safe. I had been safe for all this time.
So why did my brain taunt me with memories I couldn’t change? Were they reminders to never go back? Or were they a punishment?
Punishment made the most sense. I deserved it.
When enough time passed, and I was certain I wasn’t falling back to sleep on my own, I did what everyone did when they couldn’t sleep. Checked my phone.
New Message: Sebastian 9:52 p.m.
My stomach swirled, and a smile touched my lips.
Damn it. Damn it, I had to stop this. Last time I swooned at a screen, I was fourteen, and I’d just met Troy.
Clearly, that hadn’t turned out well.
Sebastian;All’s Well that Ends is my favorite. Counting Cards is a strong second.
Ugh, that damn smile ached my cheeks.
It hadn’t been like this with Troy. He never cared about music I showed him.
But Simone listened to songs I sent her too. What the hell made me think this was even the slightest bit romantic?
No, no, no. This was stupid. We were just two friends, talking about a good band. And friends didn’t reply in the dead of the night.
I tossed my phone to the pillows and stumbled out of bed. Grabbing my hoodie off the hook by the door, I looked at Honey. Her eyes were open now.
“Do you want to go outside?” I asked her.
She smacked her lips a time or two and looked away.
“Guess not.” I gave her a scratch on the head, reached into the drawer below the TV, and came out with a joint.
While I didn’t smoke much, Simone had suggested it when I’d first gotten here. I hadn’t wanted to, but after that first nightmare, I figured it worth a shot. It didn’t take long to realize she’d been right. Sometimes, it was the only thing that would keep the nightmares at bay. Beyond doubt, it would help me fall back to sleep.
After walking down the hall and through the kitchen, I grabbed my candle lighter off the counter. My attire wasn’t idealfor a hike—just a pair of sweatpants, a hoodie, and some snow boots—but it would be fine for a quick smoke on the porch.
The cold wind blasted my cheeks as I stepped outside. Snow trickled from the clouds overhead, adding onto the two feet already covering every inch. The plowed gravel path provided a clear line of how much snow we had gathered in the last two weeks since it came for the mountains.
Autumn in Montana always had a risk of this kind of weather. Back home, there wouldn’t be any accumulation for at least another month. Up here though? We could get snow in the summer.
Holding the joint between my lips, I flicked the lighter on. As I held it to the end, something sounded on my left. It was hard to tell with all the pine trees around, especially because my cabin was the most secluded of them all. The first one anyone driving into the ranch would see.
I was in the densest patch of woods, surrounded by it really. I heard all sorts of things at night. Coyotes howling. Crows screeching. Even a few bears growling. Not to mention the raccoons who loved getting into my garbage.
That’s what I thought it was at first. I even glanced around the cabin to look at my cans around back. They still sat there, untouched. No raccoons in sight.
The sound came from further in the distance. Taking another hit off the joint, I squinted in that direction.
