“Someone has to be.”
Her head shakes, and a dark shadow crosses it. “It's not you.”
My mouth opens to reply, but Remi sighs. “He was a firefighter, Penny.”
“He died because—”
“He died saving people.”
“But if I—”
“No.” For the first time, there's something fierce in her voice and my eyes meet hers. “You don't get to carry this, okay?”
A tear slips down my cheek, and I swipe it away immediately, ashamed that I’m sitting in front of a widow who’s keeping it together better than I am.
“You should hate me.”
Remi just stares at me, tired and heartbroken. “Why?”
“Because look what happened.” A wet, shaky laugh bubbles up, and I look down. “I’m the thing that caused this.”
For a long moment she doesn't speak, and then she reaches across the table and takes my hand. Her grip feels warmer than before.
“Penny.”
My eyes lift.
“You weren't just somethingthat happened to Colt.” The tears well up faster this time as she nods sadly, her eyes locked on mine. “You were one of the best things.”
God.
I press my lips together and try to tug my hand away, but she keeps holding on.
“He loved you.”
A sob catches painfully in my throat.
“Because of the way you love his best friend. Because of how much he knew Evan loves you, too.” Her voice wavers. “And because of how much you love Elle.”
I squeeze my eyes shut.
“He wassohappy you were here.”
The kitchen blurs. Everything blurs.
And I want to believe her. I want to believe her so badly. But even breathing hurts, and I don’t want to be the person that Remi has to comfort while she’s grieving the loss of her husband.
So I stand up. “I should go.”
Remi rises too, and follows me slowly. I make it all the way to the front door before her voice stops me.
“Penny.”
I turn, and my eyes meet hers. God, she looks exhausted. Devastated. As though grief is holding her together with fraying string.
“I lost my husband,” she says again, and my chest tightens at her words. “Don't let me lose you, too.”
For a moment I’m locked in place, staring at her as the tears build hot behind my eyes.
