That wasn’t an answer, but I wouldn’t push her.
“Honestly, if you want to do this, we will,” I said instead.
“I’m sure people will have opinions.” Her voice became bitter.
“They always do. Um, speaking of opinions, my abuelita said it’ll be a girl. I thought she was talking about Fiona, but I guess she meant you? Not sure how? Mystical grandma powers?”
She nodded. “I could see that. Gran had that knack, too.”
“For the record, you would be an amazing mom,” I added.
“You think so?” She curled into my arms.
“I do. If you’re worried about not being married, we can do thatnow.” It turned out there was never a marriage certificate from our rave-wedding. We did have the mating agreement, but for extra legal protection we should get actually married at some point.
Especially if we were having a kid.
“I think if you do Feral Ratville, we should actually get married on stage, but maybe we’ll let Ava marry us this time.” She laughed.
“I love it.” Beefy Pot Roast would absolutely do that. Though given it was in June I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to make the lineup.
But if I did, Saoirse wouldn’t be too pregnant to travel in June…
“You’d make a good dad.” Her voice grew soft.
“Really?” I’d like to think I would, but I loved hearing it from her.
She rested her head on my shoulder and I rubbed her back.
“What do you want to do right now? We can just sit here if you want,” I said softly.
Saoirse thought for a moment. “I think I want to eat the rest of my sandwich and then maybe we could go home? I don’t want to make a decision yet.”
“Then that’s what we’ll do.” I warmed up and brought her the sandwich, pickles, and cookie, then made her more tea.
Getting my own sandwich, I sat down with her, and we ate in silence. The warring emotions in her settled a little as she mulled everything over.
“Is it silly that I might want to keep the baby?” She looked over at me in earnest. “You’re right. Life is scary. It’s fleeting. Why not seize what we can, while we have the chance? We’re at a good age. We have the money, the house, the pack. Maybe it’s not practical, given we’ve just packed up, but I don’t think it’s impossible or irresponsible.”
“It’s not silly at all. If you want to keep the baby, then we’ll keep her. I’m up for all of it. The late nights, the diapers, the feedings. I can wear the baby and work. They make little headphones so thatthe music doesn’t hurt their ears.” I could see it now.
She started laughing. “Will that be your next song? You’ll go fromFuckboy SantatoSanta Dad?”
“Fuck yeah! We don’t have to bring the baby on stage. We can actually keep Baby Lovely totally quiet if you want,” I suggested.
“That is something to consider. What are your opinions on baby names?” She ate her last pickle.
Oh, this felt like a test.
“I like the name Rory, which can be short for lots of things,” I replied, tentatively. “What’s your Gran’s name?” Given how much her gran had meant to her, maybe she wanted to use that.
“Aisling.”
“Ohhh, I like that. We could name her after your Gran,” I offered.
“I’d like that. What names are Rory short for?” Her brow furrowed in puzzlement.
“Well, my birth mother’s name was Aurora, and her friends always called herRory.Aurora AislingorAisling Auroraboth sound really pretty.” My heart pounded. I’d never told anyone that I’d like to name a child after my mom. I still remembered flickers of her. Her smile. Her scent. Her eyes.
