I texted Grace.
Me
Has Spencer bought a lab in New York yet? Barwyn won’t authorize me using theirs. Though I’m required to have someone to sign off on my shit and make sure I don’t blow anything up.
She didn’t immediately text back. But Grace had important work to do. Unlike me. The national disaster.
My phone rang and I answered it without looking, thinking it was Fiona.
“Finally! What is this about you accidentally bonding with random people? Have we taught you nothing?” Mom yelled.
Shit. The phone saidCarolina Women’s Correctional.
“They’re not random. I love them. We have a place to live and money for food. I’m not dropping out in my last semester. We’ll figure it out.” My eyes closed. I didn’t have the energy to do this, but hanging up felt wrong.
“It’s irresponsible. I’ve told you your whole life not to fuck up, and there you go being reckless. What were you thinking? Never mind, you weren’t. You can’t even get into a PhD program. How are you going to support a pack?” she scolded.
That hurt. Because she was right. I was the alpha. I should be supporting Fiona and Carlos, not the other way around.
“Just because you fucked up your life doesn’t mean I’m goingto,” I replied, chest shuddering.
“You already have. Honestly, the best thing you could do is un-bond them. You got your father’s idealism, and you’re just going to screw up their lives the way he screwed up mine.” The venom in her words made me flinch.
“We can make it work, Mom.” My voice broke. He screwed upherlife? Dad was the one thinking Grace was missing for all those years.
“No, you can’t. You’re throwing everything away. How did I give birth to such fuckup children? You’re such a disappointment. Don’t come crawling back to me when all your dreams are for nothing. Not that you even deserve them. What a waste,” she spat as she hung up.
Inwardly, I crumpled. Even my own mom didn’t think I could do this.
Shit. I should probably get my ass to the train station. I started walking to the subway.
The phone rang again.Carlos.
“He can’t help me,” I blurted. “University won’t allow it.”
“Shit. I’m sorry. Dimitri isn’t here or I’d ask him about that asshole who’s trying to cure cancer that he always kicks out of his parties. Hardknob or something. I keep in touch with one of my nursing professors. Maybe he knows someone,” Carlos offered. “I’ll head home soon. Unless you want to meet me at Titos? Drown your sorrows in beer and onion rings? Or we can go to Taco Hut, and you can eat your feelings?”
“I actually need to go to Research Circle. My mentor’s going to help me. I need my clothes. Grace also needs my drug samples which are in the lab at Briar. I won’t be back until tomorrow, because I also made an appointment with my advisor.” I sighed as I went down into the subway.
“Oh, okay. Makes sense. I’ll come with you, if you want?” he offered.
“It’s fine. But thanks.” I didn’t deserve his help. I didn’t deserve anything.
“Okay. I’m here if you need me,” he added.
“Thank you.” I ended the call and walked to the train station.
First, I had to take the ultra-bullet to the Capitol, then I could catch a regional train home. When the train pulled up, I found an empty car.
As the train took off, I stared out the window, my mom’s words echoing in my ears.
What a waste.My own mom thought I was wasting my life.
What if they were right? It wouldn’t be too late to un-bond, would it? I knew it was a process, but I still might be able to get it done before the semester started. Thank goodness I hadn’t given up my place and my job.
Wait. What was I thinking? I loved them.
What made the most sense would be to talk to my mentor and go from there.
