“Certainly, I wouldn’t be here without my friends, such as my amazing assistant, Kace.” I motioned at Kace, who came out and threw some baguettes at the crowd. “And, Tyrell and Bailey.” Tyrell did the same, Bailey busy with the livestream. “And of course, my crew. Most of them have been with me for a long time. And I can’t forget my friend, Lalo. This is the guy who helped me record my first single, in my shower. Get up here.”
Kace had already told security that I’d be getting Carlos up on stage. They helped him up, Kace handing him a microphone andhe took it with a gloved hand.
“Lalo is a man of many talents, but you know my stage has a price. If you’re not throwing presents to the crowd, or shooting T-shirts from cannons, then you have to sing. You want to hear Lalo sing, right?” I asked the crowd.
Carlos waved at Fiona, then looked over at me. “Do you really want to hear me sing?”
The crowd started chanting and cheering.
“I think they do,” I agreed, as I started playing the opening of theCookie Song.This was a warehouse version that I mixed myself and played occasionally. It went over really well at family-friendly music festivals.
He started to sing. After the first verse, I added in the instrumentals forGuacamole. When the third verse came around I began singingGuacamole.
Carlos grabbed one of the boxes of cereal and dumped it over the pit. He joined me for another verse ofGuacamole,while Tyrell threw chips at the crowd.
We both sang part of theCookie Songtogether, ending on it. Yeah, we’ve done this a few times, but it had been a while.
Never for a crowd like this.
“Thanks, man.” I patted him on the shoulder as I started the intro for my next song. “Everyone give Lalo a big cheer.”
He leapt from the stage to rejoin everyone.
I always called him,Lalo,and never introduced him asLittle Brother CarlitoorCarlos Rodriguez of the New York Knights, because I didn’t want him to run afoul of the PR people for either.
The Monstruo Lane peoplelovedhim, but the Knights’ PR person seemed to always be exasperated by him. Carlos had on his Knights beanie, but, well, you could probably buy them anywhere.
Going through my set, I took the time to interact with the crowd and throw out a few more things. I also involved the giant stuffed snowman on the stage–getting the crowd to name him, dancingaround him, and doing a little strip tease when I got hot and wanted to take off my Santa jacket. I even gave him some water in case he got thirsty.
Finally, with the help of Kace and Tyrell, we crowd-surfed the giant stuffed snowman, helping him find a new home.
“Take it all the way back,” I told them, watching people crowd surf the giant stuffy. “All the way back. I mean it. Don’t bogart that snowman, my friends.” I went into the next song.
Finally, it was time to start closing things down. Glancing at Kace, he gave me a thumbs up. I startedBig Dick Contest, as they released the inflatable dicks. People laughed as they batted them around.
Being up here, with this crowd, felt incredible. Euphoric. This was one of the best sets of my life. It wasn’t just the energy of the festival goers. It wasn’t even the fact that this was huge for my career, for me.
It was justfun.Maybe it was because it was Christmas.
The song ended and I played a little holiday interlude. “Thank you so much, Lovely Fuckers, for being here with me tonight and celebrating Christmas a little early.”
Something wet hit my face. I looked up and saw that it had started to lightly snow, adding to the magical atmosphere.
“Wow look at that! It’s a Christmas miracle. Fuckboy Santa is wishing you the happiest of holidays. May all your wishes come true. Remember, be a Ken not a Dick.”
I played the final song. As the last strain ofBang, Bang, Boomfaded, I thanked everyone again. Security started rounding everyone up, so they could clean up this area for tomorrow.
“That was great,” the stage manager told me as I came offstage and took off my microphone.
“That was probably one of your best sets ever.” Kace rushed over with a bottle of water, as my crew started tearing everything down.
“It really was. Bailey got it on the livestream right?” Given thespotty reception, she had brought a booster, but you never knew.
We left the stage and went back towards the small area I had gotten ready in earlier.
“The livestream was incredible. We had a hiccup, but it’s all good.” Bailey joined us. “You had so many views–it was great.”
I changed back into what I’d been wearing before, but I kept the Santa hat and made a quick video, thanking my fans for tonight.
