"They're really hard to find. Thank you."
"You're welcome. I'm not sure how good they'll be," he said.
"Then why don't you come through to the kitchenette and I'll heat them up for us." They were always better hot, and I remembered how much he liked them too.
He raised an eyebrow, clearly not having expected me to make the offer. I understood where he was coming from. It wasn't like I'd planned this myself, and if anyone had asked me a few days ago whether I'd be entertaining my ex while eating honey cakes, my answer would have been a resounding no.
"Will you make sure the front door is locked?" I asked, pointing in that direction.
Ptah nodded and went to do as I requested without a word.
I hurried into the backroom, trusting him to lock up even without my supervision. I knew him well enough to be certain he'd do it right, and it was more important for me to regain my composure than to stand over his shoulder.
What was I doing? Inviting Ptah into my living space was asking for trouble.
"That's done," he said as he stepped through the arch that separated the front of the cat sanctuary and my space. "There's a cat running around after a toy like it's the best thing she's ever seen. Is she all right?"
"That's Jemima." A smile lifted the corner of my lips at how observant he'd been. "She's fine. She'll be busy for hours with that thing."
I turned on the small stove and got out a pan so I could heat up the honey cakes. I could have put them in the grill I kept on the side, but I didn't think that would be quite right, and considering these were the first honey cakes I'd had in years, I wanted them to be perfect.
The scent of warm honey and sticky dates filled the air, making my mouth water. If only I had some of the wine Sekhmet had brought with her left, that would have been the perfect accompaniment to the cakes.
"You were right about how many cats you have," Ptah said with amusement.
I glanced over at him to find him still standing. "You can sit down, you know." I gestured to the sofa.
He smiled at me and took a seat, though I could tell from the way he was moving that he wasn't as at ease as he wanted to be. One thing that was becoming clear was that neither of us had any idea how to navigate this situation. Or knew what we wanted out of it.
I flipped over the honey cakes and turned my attention to the kettle. "Do you want some mint tea? I have some leaves from Morocco that will go perfectly with these." I'd gained a taste for it while travelling the world.
"That sounds good," he replied.
I left the pan alone for a moment, confident it wasn't going to burst into flames. After a few minutes of bustling around the small kitchenette, I had everything ready and placed a pot of steaming tea on the low coffee table, along with the glasses to drink from and the plates with the honey cakes.
"These smell amazing," I said, inhaling deeply to make the most out of them. Even though I hadn't started yet, I was already regretting the end of the deliciousness. "Thank you for bringing them."
"You're welcome."
We ate in comfortable silence, both savouring the taste of years gone by. In the years since, I'd forgotten what it meant to be at one with my past. I mostly ignored it unless I couldn't avoid it.
I glanced down at my empty plate, feeling a pang of loss over the honey cake already being gone. But I didn't think that was all it was about. There was something I couldn't name stirring up within me. Or, more accurately, something I didn't want to face.
I set my plate down and leaned back in my seat.
Ptah picked up the pot and poured us each a glass of tea. I normally used mugs, but when it came to mint tea, it always felt nicer to drink it out of Moroccan tea glasses.
"Here," he said, holding one of the glasses in my direction.
I reached out to take it from him, our fingers brushing as I did. The whole world felt as if it slowed down. I became more aware of how close the two of us were sitting, and how natural it seemed to be for us to be doing it.
It shouldn't be a surprise. This had never been our problem. Finding the time to spend together had been where it all fell apart. Maybe I was being too stubborn with my assurances that nothing could happen between us.
Maybe this time it would be different.
The expression on his face suggested that he was thinking hard about something, and the hopeful part of me wondered if it might be about the chance of us giving our relationship a second chance.
I wanted to dismiss the notion. It was only going to lead to heartbreak.
