The hurt that flashes across his face is immediate and devastating. “Why does it matter what other people think?”
His tone cuts through my patience, making me cringe. “It just does!”
He pauses. “Korie—”
“Look, I’m trying here,” I say quickly. “I am. This is just—”
“I thought we were past trying,” he says.
“That’s exactly my point!” I throw my head back in frustration. “Youare past it. I’m… I don’t know.”
He takes a step back.
“You’re already so far into this, Holden. Like you already knew exactly what this is supposed to become, and I’m… I want you, but… I’m just trying to catch up.” Can’t he remember that I didn’t even want this? I never wanted to date anyone. Committing to someone, even someone I deeply care about, is terrifying to me.
My throat tightens as we stare at each other. “I need time to—”
“You’re really doing it again,” he says softly, shaking his head.
Something in his voice makes me stop cold. “What?”
Holden laughs once, sharp and humorless, then looks away like he already regrets saying it. “And you don’t even see it. That’s the hardest part.”
“Doingwhat?”
“You’re leaving me.”
“I am not.”
“You are. You’re already pulling away. I’ve felt it for days.”
“Holden.”
“No. You’ve done this before. Pulled back without talking to me.”
I take a step back. “When have I ever left you?”
Holden’s eyes are bright and full of pain all at once. “Swim team.”
I physically flinch. The room goes silent. He’s bringing that upnow? After all these years?
“Holden…”
“You left, Korie, and I didn’t understand why.” His voice roughens. “One day you were there and then suddenly you weren’t, and everybody kept asking me what was going on, and where you were. But I couldn’t answer. Because you hadn’t even talked to me about it. You just… left.”
I stare at him, stunned. “I couldn’t breathe!”
“I know! I get that now. But I didn’t get to understand it before you left. You shut me out.” His tone says what he does not.Just like you are now.
I shake my head as tears blur my vision. “I’m not leaving you,” I say, but my voice comes out weak.
Holden doesn’t hear me. He drags a hand over his face, pacing once across the tiny stretch of apartment before turning back toward me.
“You know what the worst part was?” he asks quietly. “I didn’t even care about swimming anymore after you quit.”
I blink at him.
“I never cared about the medals. Or winning. Or any of it.” His voice cracks slightly. “Going to nationals meant nothing without you.”
