“Yeah,” he says quietly. “Okay.”
It isn’t his words that cut me deep, it’s the finality. Like some part of him has been bracing for this all along.
As soon as the door clicks shut, I fall to my knees.
How did everything change so much?
24
HOLDEN
The night after the fight with Korie—can I call it a fight if we were both saying things that needed said?—I drive to their apartment on autopilot. I don’t even realize it until I see Korie’s Mini Cooper in the parking lot.
My heart sinks, and I sit in my usual guest spot like an idiot for too fucking long. Ten minutes, maybe. Okay, twenty. Long enough for the rational part of my brain to bully the rest of me.
Go upstairs.
No, don’t.
Text them.
No, absolutely don’t.
I grip the steering wheel hard and hear a softsnap. My ancient sun-warped cover finally gives under the pressure of my broken heart. I yank it off and toss it in the backseat.
They asked for space.
That’s the thing. It isn’t anger or pride coming between us. This isn’t even a breakup. Just Korie telling me what they need, and I… well, I blew that up like I always do.
The look on their face when they said they couldn’t catch up to us—tothis. It was like they were drowning in something I thought we were building together.
I saw it coming, yet it still gutted me.
I still don’t fully understand where the line was. When I crossed it. What changed, exactly.
But I know Korie meant it. Somewhere in my rush to explore my feelings with them, I ended up smothering them. And if I push now, they’ll only retreat farther.
I put the car in reverse just as a memory hits me.
We were sitting in the den of my parents’ new house, watching a movie and talking about our upcoming freshman year of high school. Korie was nervous, since this was our first year at a new school with kids we didn’t know. Brilliant me thought that meant we should get involved, and what better way to do that than to join the swim team. We both loved the pool and spent all day, every day, in it whenever we could. So why not?
“Forget the team,” I’d said. “It could be you and me in the lanes. Side by side.”
It had taken two cases of Monster to convince them, but they eventually agreed. And Korie’s face when they qualified—beating everyone by nearly two seconds—has stuck with me forever. It was like they had just won Olympic gold.
From then on, it was history.
I twist my bracelet, tears brimming in my eyes.
How could I have forgotten? It was my idea from the beginning.
The next day feels all wrong in tiny, stupid ways.
I keep reaching for my phone before remembering I’m trying not to text them constantly.
I see a meme Korie would love and instinctively hit share before stopping myself.
I buy some Mike and Ikes at the gas station without thinking, and pass them off to Ellis as soon as I see her.
