I close my eyes. Why did I have to reach for his hand that night? Now I know how perfectly we fit together, which is something I never should’ve known. Or ever evenwantedto know. It’s making me want it again now.
Why is my heart aching to reach out to him?
Holden shifts his hand closer, covering mine. Not holding, but not…notholding either. Like a question. A possibility.
I could crack a joke, turn my hand over, and pretend it’s no big deal again. Just two friends doing… you know, not-friend things. But that’s an even worse lie than going on a fake date with him.
Because if I reached for him, it would mean something now. And I don’t know what Holden would do with that. That’s just the truth of it. I don’t know if he’s in this with me, or just… faking it.
I pull my hand away, shifting in my seat and trying to pretend like nothing happened.
Don’t look at him.
Don’t look—
I turn.
Holden’s watching me, eyes light despite the dark of the room. There’s no confusion there, no hurt. Just…something.Longing, maybe? I can’t be sure. It’s something I’ve never seen in him before, at least not directed at me. Which only makes it all worse.
Dammit. Everything is so blurry now. Messy. This is exactly why I don’t date! One of the reasons, anyway.
Damn Hattie and her stupid idea.
Damn Holden for convincing me to say yes.
Things could’ve stayed easy. Now it’s complicated.
And, still. When I really think about it, there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to go back.
I fold my arms over myself and stay for the rest of the movie.
12
HOLDEN
“Do you want to hang out?” I ask my sister as soon as she answers the phone.
“Uh, sure? Wait, what do you mean by hang out? You aren’t, like, dragging me to paintball or something, are you?”
I bite back a laugh. Hattie would honestly kick ass at paintball if she tried. “I don’t know. Anything. I just want out of the house.”
My head is going to explode if I keep staring at the damn candle Korie and I made. I need air.
“Well, I need to run some errands. Do you want to tag along? We can go to dinner after.”
“Sure. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
Note to self: when your sister says she wants to “run errands,” make sure it doesn’t include a stop at the mall, because that’s where we end up.
By the third store, I’m dragging my feet and regretting my life decisions. I’m getting hungry, but I refuse to try the hot dog vendor again. I learned that lesson the hard way a few years ago.
“So what’s really going on with you?” Hattie asks, flipping through a clearance rack.
“Nothing.”
She lifts her gaze, giving me an expression that could rival Mom’s.
“Seriously. I just… needed out.”
