It scares me that they don’t.
I swallow hard, an uncomfortable knot forming in my throat. What will I do if Korie doesn’t want this?
19
KORIE
Isit in my car for a minute after my shift, staring out at the dark parking lot while the engine idles beneath me. The tightness in my chest hasn’t eased since Holden stopped by for lunch.
Was I really wrong to hide this from my friends? I feel like I fucked up.
I avoided Sophie for the rest of the day, even ducking into a stairwell when I saw her heading my way. If she picked up on the strangeness between Holden and me, others will too.
Holden and I have always been close. Too close, probably. Too familiar. People have always tied us together as a unit, and it never bothered me. But now that things have shifted, now that I know what his mouth feels like against mine and what it’s like to wake up tangled around him, that “unit” has a different meaning. It’s too easy to reach for him, even without meaning to.
I close my eyes, fighting tears. Ever since we crossed whatever line we crossed, even before the sex, everything inside me has felt warmer somehow. Softer. Like my body keeps reaching for the memory of him without asking permission first.
So why am I feeling this way? Like I suddenly can’t get a full breath?
My phone buzzes in my hand, pulling me out of my thoughts. I unlock it automatically to see a text from Holden.
You make it home?
My eyes sting unexpectedly. I’d hurt him, yet he’s still checking in on me.
Me:Just leaving now.
Holden replies immediately.Call me when you’re there.
I drop my phone in the cupholder. I hate how weird things are now. They were so good… right up until when I’d bolted out of his bed this morning like something hurt me.
I drive home, let Aris out of her cage, then take a shower, hoping it will settle something in my head. By the time I pull on my plaid pajama shorts and my favorite oversized sweatshirt, I still haven’t found my center.
And I know why.
Things haveneverbeen off with Holden. But ever since I woke up in his arms, I’ve been… caught between the then and now. I don’t know how to process all this.
I read his message again, but don’t call him. Instead, I sink into the couch and pull my favorite fuzzy blanket around me. Holden’s comment about turning myself into a burrito comes to mind, and it makes me chuckle.So what if I do? At least I’m comfortable.
I pull up the show Miles and I agreed to watch together, then I finally text Holden.I’m here, safe and sound.
He doesn’t reply, but that’s fine. I kind of expected it.
Twenty minutes later, there’s a soft knock on my door. Aris chirps in alarm, making me jump.
I get up to answer it and pause when I see Holden’s face.
“What… what are you doing here?”
Holden is wearing the stupid half-smile he does when he knows he’s being ridiculous. “I was in the area and needed your toilet.”
“Uh… huh.”
“It was urgent.”
I grip the door. “It’s nearly ten. Weren’t you at home?”
He shrugs. “Your toilet is better than mine.”
