My head tilts. “Wait, do you seriously think that I needthe talkright now?”
She shrugs at me and her hand finds its way onto her hip.
I scoff and lean my head back, hoping to find where the hell this is coming from. “Wrennie, you have got to be kidding me. Have I ever even once given you a reason to think that any woman—especially Oakleigh—would ever be—I don’t even know the word that’s needed here…unsafe?”
Her expression softens and she busies herself with pulling dessert out of the fridge as she speaks. “No, Finley, you haven’t, but she’s my best friend and her only two family members left to go to the other side of the world. I’m just trying to protect her.”
“Still implying that she needs protecting from me.”
“Finn, I?—”
“Just stop, Wren, please. You mean the best, I get that, but Oakleigh being your best friend doesn’t stop me being your brother that you’ve known your entire life, okay?”
I leave the kitchen before she can say anything else, my chest feeling tight and my head weighing heavy.
ChapterSeven
OAKLEIGH
Finn never told me what he spoke to Wren about, and to be honest, I never thought to ask. I don’t want to hear that my best friend is angry or disappointed with us. With me. I’ve always valued Wren’s opinion about most things in my life and dating has always been one of them, and even though this relationship isn’t real in any way, I still want to know that she’s on my side with this. Judging by her face during lunch, however, that seems like a big ask.
When he drove me home after lunch, Finn surprised me by stopping for some coffee at this cute little café at the edge of Beckford. Somehow, he knew my order exactly. It felt weird to say thank you to him, of all people. I spend so much time telling him to fuck off that the gratitude feels strange on my tongue, the taste new and unrecognizable.
While I can admit to myself that maybe there’s a part of me deep deep deeeeeeep down that finds Finn attractive, despite all of the annoying parts of his personality; and although I can clearly see that he has the potential, I suppose, to be nice, I know within myself that I could never do anything with said attraction. If anything, I should view it as a red flag because ever since I was a teenager, the world seems to have deemed it fit to only send me bad apples. I’m talking rotten to the core apples. If I find Finn attractive, it can only mean that there is something about him that’ll leave my heart wrung out and stomped on.
And anyway, even if by some miracle I was open to it, Finn made it exceptionally clear the moment he met me that he wasn’t interested. That look of disgust and bemusement couldn’t have been mistaken for anything else. Why would that change years later after one kiss?
He was quiet the whole way home: contemplative. I was more than happy to stay silent, too wrapped up in my panic and shame to really concern myself with argumentative small talk.
Right before I got out the car, he said, “I don’t know if Wren told you, but I’ve moved in with her temporarily.”
I halted getting out, one foot on the sidewalk. “How come?”
I heard his shirt rumple in the silence, and I knew that he’d shrugged. “I wanted my parents to have their space after so long on a ship with loads of people. Besides, I’ve been looking into moving to Eaglewood for the past month or so.”
“But what about work?”
His sigh was heavy, loaded with stress. “I, uh—I’ll figure it out. All of the current projects are close to Eaglewood. It was a pain getting to Renford from my parents’ house, anyway.”
Renford is the town next to mine. It’s a pain in the ass to get to since it’s right where Lake Carlow filters off into a river, meaning there’s a massive bridge that always has traffic.
I don’t like feeling bad for him. Something in my gut pulled at me, telling me it wanted me to check in. I don’t check in on Finn, I compete with Finn. I knock him down a peg whenever he’s on his high horse and I bash him over the head with a frying pan once his feet are on the floor.
Maybe that’s why I never turned around, aware that if I saw the heaviness in his shoulders or the tiredness under his eyes, I’d care enough to ask if he wanted to talk about it. The last time—not counting this morning—I had ended up alone in a car with Finn outside my house, things took a turn that still has my cheeks heating up. I just wanted to leave and avoid recreating that moment again.
Which leads me to now, spread out on my bed at three in the morning, sheets tangled around my legs from all my tossing and turning. Just as I was about to fall asleep last night, memories of that kiss ripped through my mind like scissors gliding through wrapping paper—sharp and loud. With it came the realization that if I was pretending to date Finn, that would imply that sooner or later, I’d have to kiss Finn…again.
The last kiss left me dazed and confused. It left me wondering if I had wanted more or if I had wanted to punch Finley in the face for making my dare go to shit.
If I have to do it again multiple times…how the hell am I going to survive?
Because Finn and I can’t be more; not when the price to pay is my best friend’s happiness. What we do affects Wren, and I’ll be damned if I make things uncomfortable for her. What we’re doing now toes the line, yes, but even I can admit that Finn’s plan has an almost cathartic ending. It leaves everyone satisfied with the knowledge that we at least gave it a shot.
I refuse to put my heart on the line knowing full well it will break; I’m not prepared to do that to my best friend’s as well.
My phone buzzes on my nightstand, the dim light seeming ten times brighter in my pitch-black bedroom. I squint as the light meets my eyes, almost blinding me.
Dumbass
