Not knowing what to do with the company has really been throwing me off. I’ve been waiting for this decision to somehow hit me in the face and at the last possible minute, I’d just know what to do and move on from it with ease and everyone around me would stay happy and proud.
The truth is, I think the world was making things difficult for me because it wanted me to wait until I saw this plot of land.
The minute Nigel and I pulled up, I knew. The size of the land offers so many possibilities and it would keep my hands and mind busy for months, so if I do decide to sell the company to Sam, they wouldn’t be idle while I think of my next steps. Not to mention that with or without the sale money, I’d have the funds to do it. I really don’t spend my money much. I’ve been able to save close to half a mil just based off of what I’m like naturally.
My mind whirs, creativity taking over and lighting up my mood like a spark lighting a fire.
I do have the qualifications, but I’ve always hired others to do what I could easily do myself. My architecture degree sits in a moving box under my bed, gathering dust and remaining unused ever since I got it. The opportunity has always been there, what with my construction company, but I think the years have slowly put a dampener on that fire underneath me that had me drawing and creating structures for fun on a Saturday night.
But, right now, it’s firing back to life like a lion finding its roar. My fingers itch to draw, and pictures fly through my house. The best part, I know that I can use a little bit of a trial-and-error method because the house would bemine.
Right now, I want nothing more than to call Oakleigh—or, better yet, drive over to her house—and rant about my excitement, showing her anything I draw up and asking for her opinion. Then I remember the predicament that I’m currently in with her, and for a brief second, that creative fire dims. But I don’t let it diminish right away, not when it’s the first time I’ve found it since I was twenty-two.
“It’s perfect,” I tell Nigel as we walk around the boundary. If I built an attic with a balcony, I’d probably be able to see Gus’s farm. “It’s so goddamn perfect, Nige.”
“I thought you’d think so.”
I spin toward him, halting my steps. “Name a number. I don’t care how much, just name a number and it’s yours.”
Nigel chuckles. “You’re a terrible negotiator.”
I duck my head in embarrassment.
“Don’t be embarrassed, my boy. That excitement is all the reason I want you to have it. You belong here. I think it’s been here waiting for you.”
My sentiments exactly.
“We can discuss price tomorrow. For now, I want you to just let your creativity run wild. Something tells me you’re going to need to blow some dust off of it.”
“That’s an understatement,” I laugh wryly.
As much as I don’t want to leave the land, I know I need to get Nigel home before Simone freaks out. We hop back into my car and I drive him home to his wife, who thanks me with a kiss on the cheek.
Slightly ashamed to say that I race home, speeding ever so slightly. Wren is away on a work trip, so I have the house to myself. It’s been abnormally good timing since I’ve wanted nothing more than to shy away from everyone.
Now, it also means I can completely focus on drawing potential plans.
I sit at the desk in the office and grab the necessary equipment. At first, it’s like I’m riding a bike for the first time in years—sloppy, unbalanced and awkward. But, as the minutes turn to hours and the sun dips past the horizon, I’m exactly like I am when I’m working—confident, detailed and exact.
I remember what it was like all those days in college, drawing plans that were risky, yet bold, something so independent from my personality that you’d think I was high or something, but no.
A single thought makes me pause. A single comparison that has any ideas sinking from my mind, because I remember exactly the last time I felt like this.
Eight months ago.
When I started flirting with Oakleigh in the car, it didn’t even feel like I needed to try. It felt natural, effortless. And when I kissed her? Fuck, I felt like I could conquer the world. That day, I also took risks and acted with confidence.
The memory makes me miss her so much that all my drive to draw and plan leaves me entirely, leaving behind a hole where her presence belongs. I crave her touch, the sound of her voice. I long for her smile, even if just a reluctant one that I managed to drag out with some pitiful joke.
My pencil finds its way down onto the desk, and I lean back in my seat, sobered and alone.
ChapterEighteen
OAKLEIGH
It’s been five days since our date. Five days of going to work like a ghost of myself as I sit with my worry and regret.
“You look like shit,” Nicole notes as I trudge through the ward.
