Last fall, my friendship group expanded. Instead of only having Wren, I now have a few other people that I get to love and care for.
Finn takes a seat beside me, his arm draping itself across the back of the seat behind me. He gives my hair a tug before softly running his fingers through it. I now completely understand his reaction in the car because holy shit this feels good. Finn is properly massaging my scalp and, oh God, it’s good. That is, until he grips it at the roots in a way that makes it something else entirely.
“So, how’s couple life?” Jamie asks, his eyes burning with the need for gossip. I seriously should introduce him to Antoine—they both live for gossip.
“The same as before it was couple life,” Finn replies. “We argue nonstop and compete for absolutely nothing at all.”
“But now you just get to fuck at the end of it?”
“As the good Lord intended,” Sam cheers, lifting his beer glass in a toast.
Wren and Gus are in their own little world, I’m not even sure they know we’ve arrived. I watch them talk to one another in low whispers, my best friend blushing and leaning closer to her fiancé as he says something that I can only guess is obscene. Only the best for my non-biological sister.
There’s that ache within me that I keep buried deep within that decides to pop up again. I try and push it back down into the crevices of my throat where I keep all of my emotional baggage, but this time it’s stubborn, choosing to instead manifest itself as a weight on my chest.
I watch the unfiltered happiness on Wren’s face and beg for that look to be on my face one day. I see how Gus studies her face to see every reaction and every micro expression and adjust what he says next accordingly. And I know it happens the other way around because I’ve seen it.
I feel a whisper of warm breath beside my ear. “What’s wrong?”
I don’t turn back toward Finn, in fear that he’ll see the ache in my heart mirrored on my face.
“Nothing,” I reply, my voice quiet.
“Cherry,” he whispers, his breath fanning my ear. “Tell me. Let me take the weight.”
I’ve never had anyone offer to take the emotional weight from me before. I’ve never had any man care enough that he has this desire to make things easier for me in any way. But this isn’t the first time Finn has asked for the chance to do so. It’s the first time he’s asked in such a forward way, but he shows me in the way he leaves breakfast for me in the mornings or puts washing in the machine so I don’t have to worry about it and so I have fresh scrubs for work.
Finn takes care of me.
“I want to quit my job,” I say quietly, so much so I don’t think he’s heard me.
“Okay,” he replies calmly. “Are you simply not happy there anymore?”
“Not just that.” I turn to face him now, longing replaced by a determination to get this off of my chest. To tellsomeone. “I think it’s time I do something with my life that I want to do. I love helping people, really I do, but?—”
“It’s not what you want from life.”
I look down at the worn-out booth between us. Finn’s fingers gently lift my chin.
“Is that selfish of me?”
He smiles softly at me. “Cherry, it could never be selfish to take control of your life and do what makes you happy.”
“Very wise, Finn,” Sam grins beside me. “I have a friend who should listen to that very piece of advice.”
Finn’s smile drops, a look of guilt passing over his face.
I turn to Sam. “You think he needs to do what makes him happy?”
“I think Finn deserves a lot of things, and to not put pressure on himself is one of them.”
Hundreds of questions run through my mind, the words whipping about until they all blend together and no longer make sense. I want to ask every single one, but how does one do so when it’s none of their business?
* * *
The ease with which Finn is showing me affection, you’d think he’s been doing it for years. And the way I’m showing it back? Well, I would say it’s confusing me, but I feel as if, bet or not, it was inevitable.
But nothing about Finn’s behavior even comes close to my confusion about the looks that Sam is sending our way. Every time I catch him, he sends me this knowing smile. Sometimes I even see his shoulders chuckle when someone asks Finn and I about our dating life.
