Chapter Twelve
“Many myths do not have a happy ending – that is what makes them pertinent and real. There is learning in suffering.”
Mr Daniel Lockwood – classical scholar, philosopher and bachelor / Aeschylus.
“You can put the blanket on the side table please, Tilly,” requested Lady Dewsbury of the maid, without turning around. She heard the door close, and Hestia’s shoulders drooped slightly. Harry was fast asleep in his cot, his chubby cheeks flushed from feeding. She didn’t want to wake him, but the carriage to take them to Somerset had been arranged for eleven, and Hestia was eager to leave.
So engrossed in watching Harry slumber, she failed to notice another presence in the room, till she felt its breath on her bare nape. Hestia felt her whole body stiffen, as she realised who was standing there – still and silent.
Why was her husband here? To make sure she was leaving? To deny her taking Harry? She wished she wasn’t so bloody attuned to his body, his scent…his breathing.
She jumped as a soft kiss was pressed against her nape. She shivered, but denied him the moan that almost broke from her. She wouldn’t give the oaf the satisfaction. She heard him take a breath, as if to start a sentence, but he breathed out instead, and she smelt the sweet scent of mint.
“My mother died in childbirth,” he finally said, quietly.
Hestia frowned. That wasn’t what she was expecting, so she waited.
“They took me in to see her; I was nine. I remember that they had tried to make her look peaceful, but I had heard her screams – from the garden. And…and you could still smell the blood in the bedchamber. They told me to kiss her goodbye – my mother and my baby brother – who also didn’t survive.” She heard him swallow, as though a sickening gorge had risen in his throat. It probably had. “My father never really recovered from the loss: his joy in life had been extinguished.”
“When you birthed Harry, I made a vow after about five hours of listening to your hurt and pain. I vowed that if you survived, I would never touch you again. I could not bear to lose you. Call me selfish, but I preferred to push you away than to lose you forever.”
Hestia felt tears at the back of her eyes, as she listened to her husband’s pained confession. She felt a hand in her hair, and he started to pull the pins out of her chignon – one by one – dropping them on the floor. The tinkling noise as they hit the wood floor seemed like a cacophony in the silent room.
“I love you, Hestia. I have always loved you, and I will always love you…Before we were married, when I was away on the Grand Tour, it was like a constant ache – your absence in my life. At first, I…I had ‘relations’ with other women, as it was part of the gentleman’s tour.” Hestia made a sound of protest – she didn’t want to know! At the same time, her blonde hair tumbled down her back, as the last of the pins fell, and she felt Nathan’s hands descend on her shoulders, holding her firm. His breath came closer to her ear.
“But you were always in my heart, Hestia. And so, I refrained. I waited for you and spent the rest of my Grand Tour actually taking an interest in the history of the places I visited. It was easy, so easy to stop then. But to stay away from you now, has been…a bloody nightmare.” Hestia giggled at his blunt description, although it came out rather like a sob, as the tears coursed down her face. His hands descended from her shoulders, down her arms and around her waist. They pulled her back, tight against his body, until she felt every inch of him at her back – solid and hot.
“I’m so sorry about that night in the box room. You don’t know how close I was.” Hestia heard his voice roughen. “I was a moment away from flipping your skirts up and swiving you hard against the door.” Hestia gulped – that sounded…lovely.
“Then, you said my name, ‘Nathan, love’, and I remembered. I remembered that I could not…would not risk losing you, for a quick tup against the door. You mean more. Youaremore, Hestia –”
She could stand it no more, and Hestia turned in his arms. She thrust her fingers up through his hair. “You stupid, stupid man. I thought you didn’t love me anymore.” With that she pulled his head down hard, her lips meeting his in a fierce kiss of love, hurt and redemption.
Pulling his head away, he kept her in a tight hold. “I’ve made a mull of things, I admit. I should have spoken to you of my fears, but I thought you would override my objections. Am I not right?”
Hestia sniffed. “Probably. I admit I did fall enceinte more quickly than I had imagined, but you did need an heir, and though painful, the birthing was relatively straightforward –”
“That maybe for you, but I need at least five years to get over it. I won’t have you worn out by the time you are eight and twenty.” Hestia laughed – hearty and loud.
“I can’t wait that long, Nathan. I need you.” With those words, Hestia pressed her body harder against Nathan’s. She saw his eyes darken with desire, and she wondered how she had ever thought he didn’t want her.
“I thought,” she decided to say, looking down and fiddling with his cravat, “That my body might not be to your liking…after the birth.”
“Oh, Hestia. I am the fatwit that Lady Minkworth called me.” His voice dropped low and raspy as he bent down and grazed his lips against the edge of her gown. “Your body is perfection. Your silky skin. Your ripe, full breasts that make me hard every time I look at them? Especially in that damn red gown you wore at the masquerade. Or your soft thighs that are meant to cradle a man? Hestia,” he professed gruffly, “I had to drink myself to oblivion every night, and even then I was tormented by dreams of your sweet body. I would dream of how it used to be…so good…” She felt his head rise, and he kissed her eyes, his tongue lapping at the drying tears.
“But, what has changed Nathan? We can try to be chaste but to have you so near and not –”
“Rook has come up with a solution. I should have thought of it, but –”
“Rook!” Hestia pulled back in his arms. “You discussed this with Rook?”
“Had no choice really, it seems you had already let the cat out of the bag. And, although not infallible, there is something we can use to help prevent you falling with child so quickly.”
“What is it?”
“I thought…” His voice dropped to a husky whisper, as he kissed the side of her neck, his teeth grazing. “That I could show you. Let’s leave Harry to his slumber; I’ll cradle the babe later, but for now…you are not going anywhere, my Lady Dewsbury.”
Hestia gasped as Nathan swung her up into his arms. The door suddenly opened, and Tilly squeaked as she saw them both. Nathan merely nodded and manoeuvred around the maid, striding to their chamber.
