He groans and starts pumping again, bumping me against the wall. “Jesus Christ, nothing has ever felt better than your hot little pussy. I could have a heart attack right this minute and die a happy man.”
“Maybe.” I’ve got my elbows hooked behind his shoulders and my hands up clutching his hair. “But I wouldn’t be happy, so try not to do that.”
He huffs and shakes and then makes that stretched sound that proves he’s close to losing it. He makes a few last jerky thrusts and then yanks his cock out so he can come all over my belly and breasts.
He hugs me to him when he’s worked through the last spurt of his release.
I hug him back.
Then, very gently, he carries me over to the bed, laying me down and then dampening a hand towel so he can wipe his semen off my skin.
“Messy, messy,” I say, teasing.
“Sorry. Don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me. Never shoulda forgot the condom.”
“It’s okay. With you, it’s okay.”
Our gazes meet for a moment, and I get that shiver of excitement I experience every time it feels like he’s going to say something new. Something I really, really, really want to hear.
But he doesn’t.
He leans down to give me a soft kiss instead. “Why haven’t I been kissing you all this time?”
“Because we were trying to be good and keep things professional. You don’t kiss your paid fuck.”
He frowns as he settles himself at my side, propping his head on his hand. “Don’t call yourself that.”
“I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant we started as a… a transaction. You get a fuck, the house gets paid, and I get a tip. I know it’s not like that now, but the transition is kind of… fuzzy.”
“Yeah. Yeah, it is.” He sighs deeply, leaning down to press another kiss on my mouth. “Honestly, I don’t know how it happened. I started coming to the Pub to try to hear what the militia were talking about.”
“I know that. And I thought you sat in my section all the time because you liked me.”
“I did like you. Prettiest thing I ever seen in my life. I was supposed to be working, but instead, I kept staring at you like a horny teenager.”
That makes me smile. I play with his beard and stroke his jaw. “You weren’t ever going to fuck me, were you?”
“No. I was worried… I wasn’t sure how I could tell if you really wanted it or not, so I told myself you were completely off-limits. But then you… you asked… so I thought…”
“You thought you might as well have a good time while you were spying on the militia.”
“Something like that. But then it got more and more complicated until I was completely underwater, crazy about you but scared to ever tell you the truth about who I am. I still sometimes wonder if I should have. It felt like you were safer when you didn’t know.”
“I wasn’t born to be safe, Cade.” I hold his head still so he’ll meet my eyes. “I was born to live the best life I can in the world I live in. And my best life isn’t you keeping secrets from me.”
“I know. I know that. I just… I just wish the world was different. If I’d met you before everything went to shit, we could’ve…”
“We could have what?”
“We could’ve had a real good life together with nothing getting in the way.”
It’s a tempting thought. Like a scene from a dreamworld. But it’s not this life, and it never will be. So I sweep the thought away to the dark where it belongs. “What we have now is pretty good. Isn’t it?”
“Damn right, it is.”
“And maybe things will… will change eventually. And this can get even better.”
“Maybe.” His one-word answer is edged with something that makes me think he doesn’t believe it.
