I scoot closer so he can wrap his arms around me. I lay my head on his chest.
“Thank you,” I say, pressing a kiss above his nipple. “For your extra efforts, I mean.”
“My pleasure, as was made obvious as hell.” There’s a smile in his tone that I love. “If I’d gone for another one for you, I probably would’ve come before you even touched me.”
Giggling, I snuggle against him. “That would have been okay. I like it when you come accidentally.”
“Before I knew you, I was a man of iron control, you know.”
“I believe it. You impressed me early on with your dry orgasms and how long you could stay hard. But I like you like this better.”
He lifts my face so he can press a gentle kiss on my lips, but he’s tired and obviously doesn’t have energy for more.
He looks and sounds like he might fall asleep, but I know he won’t. He hasn’t done that since we messed up that one night a couple of months ago.
Even after the tension on Tuesday, things have been fine between us this evening.
Everything is fine.
And yes, I sometimes feel as if we’re holding this relationship together like a house of cards, I can’t let it matter.
Cade wants to simply enjoy the evenings we have together without the outside world intruding on us, so that’s what we’re going to do.
I wish I hadn’t thought about that. I’ve been having a good evening, but now my stomach starts to sink with that weight of doom I simply can’t shake.
“I need to get back soon,” Cade says after a couple of minutes of lying quiet.
“Okay.” I’m really trying to accept how things are, but his light comment hurts my feelings anyway. We’ve had less than five minutes together when we weren’t fucking tonight.
Maybe the fuck has always been what he mostly wants from me.
“I’m sorry,” he says, slightly gruff. I don’t know how he picked up on my disappointment, but he must have. “You know I’d stay all night with you if I could. But Nell won’t have it, and we got a strike planned for dawn anyway.”
“You do?” This is news to me, but there’s a lot he simply won’t tell me. “Another militia target?”
“No. There’s a gang moving in over the county line, and the militia hasn’t bothered to stop them. So we’re gonna try to push ’em back. The militia is bad enough. We don’t need a bunch of violent gangs setting up shop here.”
“Definitely not. Well…” My throat tightens so I swallow hard. “Well, be careful.”
“I always am.” He sits up with a long sigh. Then leans over to give me a slow, gentle kiss. “Thank you for tonight.”
Shit. What the hell is wrong with me? Even that hurts my feelings.
I sit up too, pulling the sheet up to cover my naked breasts. “You don’t have to thank me. You paid for the fuck just like all my other customers.”
Okay, I really didn’t mean to say that. Immediately I want to suck the words back into my throat.
Cade was leaning over to grab his clothes, but at my comment his body jerks. It takes him so long to sit back up he might have been moving in slow motion. “Jill? What— Did you really just say that?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I’m just… You need to get going, so just go.”
“I’m not going to go afterthat.” His face is bewildered. And indignant. And hurt.Hurt. “You know I’m not paying to fuck you. What the hell are you even saying? Are you still mad about Tuesday? You know how I—You know how special you are to me.”
Well, we’re in it now. And maybe it’s just as well. I couldn’t take it back even if I’d wanted to.
And I’m not sure I do.
My back ramrod straight and the sheet still pulled up to my shoulders, I say stiffly, “I know you say that. But those are words. What youdois fuck me twice a week and then leave. Every single time.”
