That could only mean… My heart sinks. Was Roxy’s sister Maisie's mom?
She laughs again, this time a little more convincing. “I appreciate that, Uncle Walter, more than you know. I don’t plan on staying long term. I guess just until I can get my feet back under myself. A month or so, if I would have to guess.”
“We’ll take you as long as we can. Make up for lost time,” he says with a smile, planting a soft kiss on Roxy’s cheek.
Something passes between the three of them, a story I’m not privy to. Ches stares off at the opposite wall, looking lost in his thoughts. This just solidifies that I really can’t get Maisie wrapped up in my mess of a life.
Roxy changes the topic, ever the pleaser. “And how's our boy Lan doing these days?”
A genuine smile graces her face. “He’s amazing. Living life to its fullest and flying by the seat of his pants, literally. You know how he is,” she says through a breathy laugh. Her eyes light up talking aboutLan, more than I’ve seen so far. I can’t tame the irrational jealousy that blooms deep in my chest at her reaction to this mystery man. She’s beaming.
I fiddle with the pockets in my jeans, and that’s when I feel it: the tiny slip of folded paper, wedged deep inside. I picture the time and the location scribbled in red ink. My blood runs cold, panic seizing me. I’m usually not summoned so close together. They must have slipped this in when I was leaving.
Dread hits me, hard and cold. I swallow it down, counting to ten in my head until my thoughts clear. It doesn’t work. I’m always a little on edge on nights I have to visitthem. It’s the leftover adrenaline thumping through my veins. I can’t just switch it off and go back to life as normal. Sometimes, the memories stay and haunt me. I’m afraid they might never go away. I may never escape them.
I need to leave,now. My chair skids backwards, the loud screech catching everyone’s attention. I have less than thirty seconds before the panic sets in fully. “I just remembered I left milk out on my counter. You know how I get if my coffee isn’t made just right in the morning,” I mumble, my head spinning. I round the table, my legs barely holding me up, plopping a parting kiss on Roxy’s cheek before hightailing it out of there.
“You forgot your cobbler, Gray,” Roxy calls wearily when I hit the hallway.
I peek around the corner, mustering up a smile. “Save me aslice. I’ll swing by first thing tomorrow morning and have it for breakfast,” I promise her. “Night, y'all. A pleasure as always.”
My feet barely touch the gravel before shakes take my body. I can’t get a breath in.One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten.Nothing changes, so I start again, counting like my therapist taught me.
I don’t go to therapy anymore, but I did as a kid. Abusive, alcoholic parents will do a number on you. My social worker told me it was highly suggested for kids in my situation. As soon as I was old enough to speak for myself, I stopped going. The counting stuck, though. My therapist told me it helps tell my brain I’m in control of something when it feels like the world around me is spiraling.
I count all the way back to my house, the crisp air helping some. As soon as I close my front door, I slump to the floor, leaning against it. All I can see are flashes of violence from tonight. Thepain. Theblood. Theguilt. But, above the rest, the helplessness I felt while being theirmonster.
I’m so tired, but then Laine and Nova’s sweet faces appear in my head, and it's all worth it. I can weather the storm for them. I can be the glue that holds us together. They deserve it more than any.
You can do it for them, Gray.
I let that thought run through my head until my eyes become heavy, and sleep beckons me for another restless night. Except the last face I see before I welcome the dark isn’t Lainey’s or Nova’s.
It’s Maisie’s fire-fueled honey eyes.
I let her flames engulf me, and I relish in the burn.
maisie
. . .
SEVEN
Oakland All Gas No Brakes
Goooooood mornin’, sunshine!!! How’s my Rae Rae adjusting to life on the ranch? I think I can smell the cow shit through the phone.
I swear on my life, I almost pissed the bed when I woke up to a fucking rooster sleeping on my chest. I must have left my door cracked last night. Feathery thing was wailing at the ass crack of dawn. Zero consideration.
Oakland All Gas No Brakes
Look at you, my little bird whisperer. Did it at least lay an egg for breakfast?
I’m pretty sure roosters don’t lay eggs. Maybe I should add that to my list of questions for my research. But, no, I haven’t really had time to explore yet. Ches roped me into family dinner. It was an eventful night. I’ll just leave it at that. Rox and Walt send their love,btw.
Oakland All Gas No Brakes
Awwww, fam bam dinner without me. I’m booking a flight to come visit asap. I just need to check my calendar and see when I can get away. You know how it is.
