His oversized jacket swallows my arms when I cross them. “What?” I growl.
My attempt at a mean mug is his final straw. His laugh is like the first wave crashing over your feet on the beach. It’s refreshing and wraps around you like a hug. I could drown in it and be content to let it sweep me away.
Earth to Maisie. Stop daydreaming about a cowboy you can’t have.
After finally collecting himself, he looks me over with deep sincerity, swooping up my shed tear. “Why are you crying, honey?”
I shrug, looking away. I can’t look this man in the eyes. It’s too much. “It’s a very sweet tattoo, and I’m on my period. This shit is written in romcom 101. Don’t act like you’re special for getting my tears, okay!” And now, my arms are flailing like a madwoman, which Grayson finds hilarious. I narrow my eyes at him.
“Alright, alright. I’ll stop giving you shit. Though, I won’t lie, it’s pretty fucking cute.” He realizes his words too late.
Take a load of your own medicine, big guy.
We sit in comfortable silence, perched back on the edge of the dock. He studies me and then asks, “Truth for truth?” I have nothing to hide, so I nod.“Do you ever feel like life is passing you by, and you’re just stuck in a never-ending loop that’s become suffocating?”
I didn’t realize we were gettingdeep, deep. I think over his question before my answer comes. I find a fallen pink Crabapple flower on the dock and worry it between my fingers. “Every day, if I’m being honest. It’s one of the reasons I came here. To escape reality in hopes that something would finally fall into place.” I hesitate to continue, but fuck it. “After my parents died, I thought my life would be over at the ripe age of eight. I didn’t understand how the world could keep moving without them, how they could be there one morning, planning what’s for dinner, and the next, it’s like they never existed. Dinner still came, though; they just weren’t there to enjoy it with me. Each day and night still passed. Every sporting event went on like nothing had changed, because, for everyone else, nothing had. For me, though, everything changed. I’ve been chasing the feeling of feeling whole ever since that day. I’m honestly not sure I’ll ever truly get back to that, but I would love to try and get close. It’s one of the reasons I started writing, to create worlds I can escape to and leave behind the pain, evenjust for a moment.” My chest feels lighter than it’s been since maybe the accident. I let go of all the pain with each word. “I thought I finally had it all figured out. The dream career. The man who felt stable and safe. Until I didn’t.” I scoff. How wrong I was. How sad it is to be content with a mediocre life, one that checked all the boxes but didn’t account for thefill in the blankon the questionnaire asking for the real answers at the bottom.
“I want a career that fulfills my wildest dreams. I crave a love that fills in all the missing pieces of my heart like silly putty, patching my holes. An all consuming, life altering connection that makes me view the world with rose colored glasses again.I want it all, Grayson.”
I break with my last words, letting all the repressed emotions flood in. I may not have truly loved Carl, but the pain of not being good enough will stick with me no matter how much I try to give it no attention. It’s there all the same. Just like the rejections at work.
“I just want to be that little eight year old girl again who didn’t fear the world, but who instead dreamed so big, the world should have feared her.”
Grayson’s hand finds mine, and he holds it tight, like it might vanish right before him. I’m not sure why I just spilled all my life secrets. I’m not even sure I truly answered his question, but for whatever reason, he just got more out of me than all my therapists combined. It takes a certain type of person for me to open up to. Apparently, that rare breed is Grayson Miles.
Grayson only murmurs three little words, but it’s all I need to hear. “I see you.” His thumb strokes over the back of my hand, and it’s the most comfort I’ve received in a long time. It’s everything to me.
People love to say women are complicated, but all we truly yearn for is to be understood, to know our struggles are valid and that we aren’t alone in them. The world is a large, scary place, and it’s nice to know there are others out there too.
“Your turn,” he whispers, looking me in the eyes with a paralyzing intensity.
How do I follow up that question? There are so many things I yearn to learn about Grayson. He’s a closed book on a good day. I don’t want to pry into his life too hard, so I go with the first thing that pops into my head.
“How did you end up at the Foxes?”
His hand retreats, but, surprisingly, he doesn’t close me out. There’s even a faint smile on his lips, like he’s thinking back on an old memory. “Funny enough, I found them on a Craigslist ad. They needed an extra hand on the ranch, and, at the time, I needed anything that would take us away from home.”
Us: him and Laine. I nod, not pushing him to spill more than he wants. I’m the one who reaches out this time, gripping his large hand while continuing to play with the flower in my other.
His hand tightens, and he turns his head, looking out at the trees on the other side of the creek. “My parents, well, they weren’t good people. Fuck, they were terrible, actually. Drug addicts who were more worried with finding their next hit over our next meal. The deeper they spiraled, the worse it got.” He clears his throat. “They…they would—” He rubs the back of his neck, absentmindedly pulling the hair at the nape. I want to reach out and gently make him stop.
“You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to,” I assure him, thumb stroking his hand.
He shakes the memories away. “The court finally stepped in and placed me and Laine in our grandparents' care. They were old, though, and, soon enough, they were both dead, and, well, we were still just kids. Luckily, I was about to turn eighteen, so we were able to live out of my car under the court’s radar until then, and I applied to be Laine’s legal guardian on my birthday. That’s when I found the Craigslist ad, and we’ve been here nine years now. We grew up in Texas, and I was always helping at the local ranches, trying to earn extra cash to feed us, so I knew it was something I was capable of. I used all the money I saved totake a bus across the country with Laine to get here. The Foxes took us in as their own, and the rest is history, I guess.”
His eyes have a sheen when he finally looks back at me. “I owe my whole life to the Foxes. I know I will never be able to repay them, but I’ll do my damndest to try.”
I swallow the lump in my throat, wiping away yet another tear. It seems something’s in the air today. “Yeah,” I breathe, “I know the feeling. I’m so sorry, but I’m glad you found them.”
He looks like he wants to say something, maybe do something, but he’s frozen. The empath in me wants to take his pain away and replace it with something softer.
“So I nailed it on the head with being too busy on the ranch to have a girlfriend then,” I tease, and then my eyes blow wide. “Wait…. You’re not a virgin, are you?”
And there it is, that gorgeous smile of his.
He groans, running his hand down his face, but the smile stays put. “Did you not hear what I said earlier, honey?”
I shoot him innocent eyes, blinking up at him. “Hmmm, nope. You might have to remind me.”
