He put his faith in her.
“In a matter of minutes, I lost everything,” he admitted. “I lost Rayna, and then, I blamed you. I lost you, too, Mom,” he stated. “I don’t know how to get back from this. I’ve never been in love before, and losing it so quickly…”
When he had tears in his eyes, he stared at her.
“My mother never loved me like you did,” he said. “She tried, but my father was a tough man. He wouldn’t let her show me gentleness. He was afraid I’d be soft. You came into my life and loved me because you were afraid that I’d be hard.”
She let him talk.
The whole time, she wanted to hug him. Like with Takoda, she loved him like her own. All of them were hers, and that was why she was struggling with this.
They lost Jet.
Now this.
Her biggest fear after Rayna’s death would be losing him too.
“You have always just loved me when I needed it most. You gave me a mother, and I blamed you. Thank you for getting to Rayna before he could do anything to her. I’ll always be grateful of that. I know that I broke that bond between us, and you’ll never trust or feel that way for me again, but that’s my burden to carry for shoving you. I can’t forgive myself for that. I’m not a man of violence, but this has made me it. I’m a monster.”
Oh, well, she knew the feeling.
Very.
Very.
Well.
She moved closer as she saw him hurting.
“I’m not angry with you, Cas. I’m angry with him. I’m furious that he took her away from you, and that I couldn’t stop it.”
He let her continue.
“What you don’t understand is that the bond between a mother and a child is unbreakable. You can’t make me hate you for a mistake. I’m not able to do that. Half of my kids aren’t of my body—more than half. I’ll never not think of you as my child orbe angry with you. Yes, shoving me was wrong, but you were just told something horrible. I understand that. Part of being a mom is forgiveness.”
Still, he was ashamed that he hurt her.
“I scared you. By putting my hands on you, I did something I never thought I would do. I’m a pacifist by nature, Elizabeth. I don’t hurt animals by eating them, and I would never hurt a woman, but I did.”
She put her hand on his arm.
“What do you need from me?” she asked.
He was to the point.
“Your forgiveness, your love, and the promise he’ll pay. That’s what I need now in my life. Chris said that Rayna’s father will likely never let us near her grave. He’ll punish me because I’m White and so are you. I’ll never get to see her or say goodbye.”
She was aware.
Lance was going to go nuclear, and while that was justified for losing his child, there would be payback directed at them.
“I need to know that he went screaming from the world in the most horrific way possible. I need to know he wept tears of blood as you peeled his flesh from his body. That’s how angry I am. He’s made me want vengeance for the first time in my life. I’ve suffered at people’s hands before, but never like this. He took one of my treasures, and I lost the other on the same day. I lost you, too.”
Yeah, that was a familiar sentiment across the board. If anyone knew loss, it was her.
“And I need to know you still love me.”
She moved at him and hugged him. Caspian began crying again, and she held him as he did.
