“Girl, too bad you can’t pop a damn Xanax, because that shit is crazy over there,” Chevy concluded.
“What about you? What are you going to do about you and Ledge?”
“I think I just need to take some time and space. Try to figure some things out. Right now, it’s all too much. I need to reevaluate my life,” she huffed and turned to the stove.
I felt her on that. I didn’t want to second-guess Free or my position; I knew that feelings could change. He could look up one day at Ivana and not hold anger or resentment, and then where did that leave me and our child? I wanted to scream, cry, or break some shit. More than anything, I wanted Celine to vent to. She always gave me clarity, even when she didn’t know it. I missed and needed that right now more than I cared to admit. Doubt was creeping in, and I didn’t want to allow that to consume me.
* * *
Later that day…
I wasin what was eventually going to be the nursery for our little bundle of joy. The walls were a mint green, neutral, just in case. There was a crib, changing table, and rocking chair so far. A few blankets and bedding had been chosen, but that was pretty much it. We didn’t have enough friends to throw a baby shower. I didn’t want to make it some big event with a bunch of business associates.
It should be more personal, and unfortunately, there weren’t many of those kind of people in either of our lives. There was a light tap on the door, and Ivy was there with her hands behind her back. She hovered there, staring in at me as I stocked diapersin the cabinet below the changing table. Her big brown eyes canvassed the room before she took a couple of steps inside.
“Hey, I didn’t expect to see you so soon.”
“I know.” She shrugged, so detached and melancholy.
I was seated on the floor surrounded by diapers from newborn sizes and up to at least size four.
“I just wanted to check on you and the baby.” She dropped down beside me and finally revealed what she had been keeping behind her back.
A small photo album was in her hand, and she held it out to me.
“I put this together. I know it might be kind of lame?—”
She was talking, but I got lost in the selfies that filled the pages. They were of me and her, her and her daddy, and a few with Celine. When I got to the last page, my heart skipped a beat. It was the three of us. I didn’t recall her taking it because I was passed out against Free’s shoulder in the living room. We had been watching a movie together. It was actually the last picture we had all taken. Tears welled in my eyes, and I had to fight myself so that they didn’t come pouring out of me.
“It’s definitely not lame,” I assured her. “I love it.”
“I thought the baby might like a few before pictures. There are pages left to fill the rest of it for when they get here.”
“That is so sweet,” I gushed, and she turned her nose up.
“You aren’t going to cry, are you?”
“I am pregnant. It happens,” I replied, laughing.
“Well, I’m glad you like it.” She was so fixated on the carpet that I had to wonder if something else was on her mind.
“You got something else you came up here to talk about?” I asked, and her head snapped up in my direction.
“It just doesn’t seem real. She’s here, alive and breathing. She walks and sounds just like my mama did, but… it’s somethingelse. Something is different. I don’t know if it’s her that’s not the same or me.” I admired Ivy so much.
She had to be one of the deepest, mature young girls I had ever met. The level that she looked at life on was beyond her years. The more I got to know her, the more layers to her I unveiled, and I loved every one of them. She had imprinted on a piece of my heart, and there wasn’t anything that I wouldn’t do for her. I reached for her hand and held it in mine. Our eyes connected, and I could see that she was struggling with this confusion.
“Hey, you have a right to feel whatever you are feeling. She’s your mother, you love her, and I am sure she loves you. Time has passed, but that doesn’t change that. I can guarantee that because of how I feel carrying this little baby. Take your time, don’t force anything, and if something doesn’t feel right, don’t be afraid to speak your mind. Do you hear me?”
“Yeah.” Ivy nodded and sniveled a little.
She was always trying to play so tough like she didn’t need anybody. I loved her fierceness, but she had to be safe somewhere. She had to have that person that she could rant to and release all of her frustrations with. Every now and then, life got the best of all of us, and everyone deserved a safe place.
“I am not going anywhere. No matter what happens,” I insisted.
The sound of the doorbell chiming throughout the house alerted us both.
“Where is your daddy and Ivana?”
