“I’ll be okay.” She shrugged. “I have him.” She nodded to her father.
“Yeah, you do,” I agreed. “You have been through a lot, but you are a survivor, Ivy. And I know you might feel some kind of way about me just taking off?—”
“It’s your life. You taught me that you have to follow your dreams, even if it leads you away,” she muttered that last part. “I wish you nothing but the best in Morocco. I am sure you are going to kill it at that school.” I stepped closer so that I could embrace her, and I swear I felt her crying against me.
Frequency bent down in front of his seeds and looked between both of their adorable faces.
“Aye, daddy loves you, a’ight? And you gon’ see me all the time and know who I am. Take care of your mama and be good.” Watching him with them melted my heart.
He kissed them both with love and brought himself to his feet in front of them. Turning to me, he didn’t speak as he soaked me in. Taking a couple of steps forward, he stopped, closing the space between us. His strong hand fell on my neck and his lightly colored eyes gazed deep into mine.
“I’m never gon’ stop loving you, Harbor. I don’t care if you across the fucking world; that shit won’t die. You taking my heart with you, ma.” He hovered over me, and his lips meshed into mine in the most-supple kiss.
My knees wanted to give, but his hand on the small of my back kept me in place against his strong torso.
“I’m letting you take this time to do you, experience the world, and everything in it. But I’ma keep it a stack with you; I don’t like this shit. It would be selfish of me to not let you spread your wings though.”
“I have learned a lot being with you. I don’t regret any of it, just so you know that. I’m not doing this to get away from you or forget. I could never.” I choked on those last words.
This was it. I was coming undone. Before I could completely break down, he wrapped me in his arms and held me tight. Mine fell around him, embracing him back as his head rest on top of mine.
“I know,” he whispered.
“I love you.”
“I love you more.” He reacted, his voice breaking.
I‘d only been in Morocco a little over a month with the twins, and although we were settled, it didn’t quite feel like home. We were oceans away from everyone that cared about us, and the reality of that hit today harder than any other. With a perfectly beat face and my dance costume practically stitched to me, I examined my reflection in the mirror of the dressing room. The colors were bold, and the design was sexy and sleek. I resembled one of those many dancers that put on shows for royalty, and that’s exactly what this show was for.
The American Dance School opened here about a year ago, and although they were new, the reviews on their productions were always well received. I could recall how excited I was when I found out that they had accepted me. I never dreamed of actually living in Africa. When you hear the stories of what it’slike over here, they always made it seem like everyone lived in poverty. That was the first myth I found to be highly unfounded. The estates and land here were grand. Everything was big and beautiful. When the Bible talks about streets paved in gold and paradise, I imagine Africa was what God had in mind.
Not only was it beautiful, but I felt wholeheartedly emerged into the land. We were home in a sense. I felt the gap of the missing pieces though. Frequency FaceTimed with Ivy all the time, and Celine and I also spoke. Chevy made sure to keep in touch as well. She and Knowledge finally tied the knot, and I was ecstatic for them. Ironically, Ledge turned into one of those people in life that I knew I could call if my back was against the wall. Him nearly losing his life gave him an epiphany. From what I knew, both he and Frequency had taken a step back from their professions. I was glad that he and Chevy could get it together and made it work with each other and their kids. At least there was hope in one of our relationships.
The news of Harmonie’s demise was a bit disturbing, and I knew that my father took the blame, even though he wasn’t the reason she was dead. Harmonie was her own worst enemy. I still couldn’t believe that Lock was the one that took her life. Alba had disappeared, and it wasn’t for me to concern myself with. I loved my sister, but in the end, it was clear she was beyond redemption.
When I dealt with the father of my children now, there was this distance between us far beyond the ocean separating us. He and I had grown so close over time that this aching hole had been left inside me where he used to reside. Nothing was there now. Incomplete was the only way that I could describe it. We spoke about the kids, but that was typically it. He was cold and short with me.
When I left, there was this impression that I would have my fill of the world and come running back to him. I was enjoyingmy independence. Being a single mother had its challenges, but overall, I was rocking that shit. I did miss him, but other than the times we discussed the kids, he seemed distracted. I was starting to wonder if he had someone on the side he was seeing and that was why he had been distant with me recently. The way he talked, he would wait forever, but maybe his impatience had gotten the best of him. My pride wouldn’t allow me to run back to him after everything.
Three taps at my dressing room door got my attention. Spinning in the ballet shoes I wore, I waited for a face to appear. Adele, the choreographer, was there beaming in at me.
“Harbor, we have about ten minutes until showtime.” she told me.
“Okay. Thanks for letting me know.” I sighed, and she bowed her head and ducked out of the room.
This was my first performance. My stomach was in serious knots, at least the size of golf balls, and they continued to bounce around like someone was playing a game of ping pong. I took a sip from my bottled water and nervously paced the room. Shaking my hands at my side from the sweat, my phone suddenly buzzed. Snatching it off the dressing room counter, right beside all the makeup that had been applied, I studied the screen. It was Celine FaceTiming me.
“Hey,” I greeted her, lowering myself down into the spinning chair at the station.
“Hi! How are things?” Her bright eyes danced with excitement for me.
“I am so nervous right now. This is the first time I have ever performed in front of anyone. What made me think that I could do this?” I dropped my head into my hands, and a slow breath escaped.
“Hmm, well, I believe in you. We all do. We all know what you are capable of, Harbor. You are one of the strongest, most-resilient people that I know. You can do this. Look at how far you’ve come.”
“I honestly don’t feel that confidence. Something is missing,” I confessed, feeling the tears choking me, suffocating me, depriving me of all oxygen.
“Something or someone?” She hinted gently, squinting at me with concern.
