“Celine… what do you even get a man like him for his birthday?”
She laughed a little and studied me like I was holding out on her.
“Tell me something, Harbor…”
“And what is that?”
“I love Frequency. He means more to me than he even knows. But he’s stubborn, and he can be cold. it’s all just to cover up what he really is underneath that. He’s guarded, and he’s been through a lot. I won’t be the one to reveal any of that, but… feeling for other people, it isn’t something that comes easily to him.”
“You trying to tell me something, Celine?”
“You figure that out.” She winked and ambled toward the door. “Oh, and he loves guns. Crazy ass boy.”
Minutes later, I could hear her leaving the house. I sat there in my own self-pity until I had finished. After eating I went to my bedroom and when my head hit the pillow, I was out. The emotional exhaustion had drained me physically. The trip with Frequency, and then finding out about my father; it was a bunch of simultaneous gut punches trying to take me out. Hours later someone tapped on my door. Rolling over in the soft top mattress, I faced the entry to my room, and Ivy was there.
“Hey, didn’t mean to wake you,” she said, poking her head inside.
I stretched a bit as she came slinking in, clearly not caring that I was just waking up. I glanced at the watch on my wrist and saw that it was almost four pm.Damn, I guess I was more jet lagged than I thought.
“Hey, no. I’ve been asleep long enough. How was school?”
“I have to study for an American History test,” she answered, rolling her eyes as she moved over to a desk in the corner of the room.
I watched her start taking books out of her Moschino backpack, and placing them on the surface before she pulled the chair out and plopped down in it.
“Could you help me with that first?” she pleaded.
Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I swung my legs to the side of the bed and rose to go to the bathroom.
“Yeah, sure,” I agreed.
After relieving myself and washing my hands, I joined Ivy and we started studying before I gave her a practice quiz, which she aced. She was a very smart and intuitive girl, when she wasn’t being spoiled as shit. I honestly wondered if the child had ever been told ‘no’ with the way she reacted to it. Sitting there with her and skimming through her textbook, I felt her watching me. Flipping the pages slowly, I continued soaking in the material while she continued to hawk me.
“What?” I asked, keeping my eyes on the book.
“Why are you still living here? How come you don’t just move out and get your own place?” she queried, tapping her pencil on the desk.
I closed the book slowly and leaned forward with it in my lap.
“Does me being here bother you?” My brows dipped when I addressed her.
“I don’t need a new mother.” She voiced softly.
My presence seemed to get under her skin. She was hot and cold on a good day. Some days better than others. I definitely understood it. I wasn’t the nicest to Chaya when my daddy brought her home, and it wasn’t her fault. He walked her into our lives without us even getting the chance to get to know her. One day they were dating, then she was moving in, and finally they were married a few months later. I guess I should have known then what was up. Ivy was clearly confused about my being here, and honestly I was starting to feel the same way.
“That’s not who I’m trying to be.” I insisted, standing and handing her book back to her. “Why don’t you try talking to your father, kid?” I suggested.
The grief from this conversation was the last thing I needed.
“He’s hardly ever here, and when he is, he’s usually working. I’ve been here for months and we still haven’t spent any real time together other than our car ride to school in the morning. And he doesn’t like to talk about my mama. Do you think he’s forgotten her?”
The lost, heartbroken look on her face stalled me. She reminded me of me. Our lives contrasted a bit, but at the root of it all, the pain was the same. The absence of a parent was always felt, no matter the circumstance.
“That’s not for me to answer.” I conceded, staring at the ground. “But… I can say, what I have heard him speak on regarding your mother, it doesn’t sound like another woman stands a chance. Not even against her memory.” I said that last part more for myself.
He made that more than transparent. I may have been new to this type of thing, but one thing I was sure of was the fact that I wasn’t about to come second in a man’s life. After seeing what my parents went through, I didn’t want to be consumed by my relationship either. That pattern was all too familiar. The one thing that was becoming clear was that I had my entire life ahead of me. Ivy gave me the idea of independence, and I couldn’t shake it.
“Now, do you want to dance or not? I haven’t had the best day, and I’m not in the mood, but I told you that I would.”
