“Then try to get some rest tonight. We’ve got a big day ahead. Ledge hit me up and said that Kitana and Chevy already got clients lined up looking for property. We’ve got it.”
“Sounds good,” she quipped.
She was saying all the right things and holding herself together, but she was expressionless, and hung her head. If I hadn’t heard what she and Ivy had discussed or knew her the way that I did, I wouldn’t have been able to tell that something was wrong. But neither of those were the case. She was shutting me out, and no lie, shit didn’t feel good.
I stepped purposely into her personal space, and her breathing hitched. Peering down my nose at her, for the longest I inspected her face. The tough aura she’d been putting up slowly diminished, and she submitted under my touch. She was tense as fuck, and my flesh against hers only seemed to make her more rigid. When I brought her in to kiss her she pulled out of my embrace.
“I meant what I said. I don’t want to cross that line with you. I can’t trust you, and I can’t trust my judgment with you. Let’s just… stick to business.” She held up her hands to nudge me back.
I should know better than anyone what pushing someone away looks like. I had done it enough in my life. When Harbor acted on it, shit made a nigga feel like he was being deprived. I fucked up, and I didn’t have the first clue on how to make it right for her. She had validation to hate me this time around. I kept something very significant from her, and that had broken anything between us that we had been building.
“It will never be just that between us. You can tell yourself anything. I’ll let you get your rest tonight though,” I muttered, bowing out.
I dragged my feet leaving, hoping she would change her mind and stop me. I wasn’t the begging type. I left bitches on stuck, wanting more, not the other way around.The fuck is happening to my life?Needing to blow off some steam, I suited up and went into the basement to the gym. I zoned out and let my Everlast punching bag have it. A nigga was taut and full of frustration and rage that I’d been holding in. My father being around wasn’t helping matters. He was a trigger whether he was here or not. Sweat beads dripped off me every time I touched the bag. After drilling into it like the mothafucka had smacked my mama or some shit, I took a deep breath and backed off.
“Are you mad about something?” Ivy’s voice asked from the doorway.
In her joggers and a tank top, she wandered inside. I grabbed my bottle of water off a nearby table and twisted the cap off to take a swallow. After a few breaths, I was able to talk without passing out.
“Nah, just working some shit out. What’s up, what you doing down here?” I questioned, watching her look around until she climbed on the treadmill and toyed with a few buttons to start it up.
“Nothing. Dinner is almost done, so Celine wanted me to let you know,” she answered, remaining nonchalant even though I sensed that something else was on her mind.
I took a seat on my weight bench and set the bottle on the floor beside my feet.
“Come over here and spot me.” I instructed, leaning back on the bench.
She did as she was told and stood at my side while I did my presses.
“So, what’s up? How’s school going?” I asked, taking a deep breath and removing the weights from the resting bar.
“Going ok.” She shrugged one shoulder and tucked her arms over her chest while watching me.
“Anything you want to talk to me about?” I prodded, glancing at her while lowering the weights and wincing.
“Like what?” She gave me that annoyed ass stare.
“I don’t know. Anything.” I replied, pumping upward again.
“Like my mother?” she questioned.
“Sure, if that’s what you want.” I answered, eyes on the ceiling.
“Why don’t you talk about her? Why aren’t there any pictures around here?” she interrogated.
I brought the weights back to the resting bar and gradually sat up.
“Well, it’s not easy for me, Ivy. I love your mother very much. She’s the first woman that was able to make me love someone outside of myself. She showed me what that was like, and she set the bar pretty high.” I concluded, chest heaving as I sucked in a few breaths. “It hurts, seeing pictures of her, not having her, and looking at you. I try not to let it get to me, but… you are her twin, baby girl. You are beautiful and smart, and feisty. That part you got from me, because your mama was soft on the inside.” A small smile fell on my lips and she continued to study me.
“Is that why you let auntie Denia keep me for so long after mama died?” she asked softly.
“Yeah, it was part of it,” I said, nodding while bringing myself into a standing position. “The other part is my job. I stay busy, and I have to drop stuff all the time and take off. Things are finally settling down to where I don’t have to do that as much anymore though. I’m switching career lanes, and that’s going to make me available for time with you. So, what do you want to do? Pick the activity.”
“Can we go to Kings Dominion?” she asked, excitement lighting up her face like she was the sun.
Chuckling, I shook my head at my child before I nodded, licked my lips, and glanced up at her.
“Yeah, we can do that,” I agreed.
