"I carried her," Jax was saying. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, nursing a sprained wrist he had acquired during his "Shield Surfing" maneuver in the Exam Hall. "I used vampire speed. I broke the sound barrier. Therefore,Isaved her."
"You tripped," Stone countered.
The former Enforcer was sitting in the plastic visitor's chair, his left arm in a sling. He had dislocated his shoulder tackling a door frame (long story). He looked grumpy.
"I didn't trip," Jax defended. "I encountered a structural irregularity."
"You tripped over your own cape," Stone deadpanned. "I caught her when you went down. I secured the package. Therefore, the save goes to the wolf."
"You both lack flair," Rook sighed.
The Fae professor was the one actuallyinthe bed, tucked under the stark white sheets, though he looked perfectly fine.He was wearing silk pajamas he had summoned—magenta with gold piping. He was peeling a grape.
"I created the illusion of a soft landing," Rook explained, popping the grape into his mouth. "Without me, she would have landed on concrete. I cushioned the fall with a sonic buffer. Therefore, I am the hero. You two are merely the transport."
Ivy was standing in the middle of them.
She looked exhausted. She was still wearing her trench coat from the "Prank War," though it was now covered in soot and unidentifiable stains. She was holding a bouquet of flowers that kept changing colors—shifting from red to blue to yellow—which was a sign that her chaos magic was acting up due to stress.
"You're all idiots," she announced.
The three men stopped arguing. They looked at her.
"I savedmyself," Ivy snapped. "I floated. Remember?Leviosa? Or whatever the non-copyrighted version is? I cast a gravity dampener."
The three men looked at each other.
"She did float," Jax admitted, rubbing his neck.
"Confirmed," Stone grunted. "Vertical descent speed was controlled."
"A graceful landing," Rook nodded. "Very pirouette-esque."
I walked in with the Triad. We were carrying snacks—because in this group, snacks were the universal lubricant for social friction.
"Are we interrupting the 'Who is the Best Boyfriend' debate?" I asked, leaning against the doorframe.
"It's not a debate," Stone growled, crossing his good arm. "It's an after-action report. And we are not boyfriends. We are... allies. Co-belligerents."
"Allies who bought her chocolate?" I asked, pointing to the bedside table.
It was groaning under the weight of at least twenty boxes of Godiva. Dark chocolate. Milk chocolate. Truffles. It looked like a Valentine's Day display had exploded.
"Tactical rations," Stone clarified, blushing slightly. "High caloric density. Essential for recovery."
"It's bribery," Jax corrected. "I bought the truffles. Because I know she likes the hazelnut ones."
"I bought the ones with the little gold flakes," Rook added. "Because she likes shiny things."
Ivy sighed. It was a long, deep sigh that seemed to deflate her entire posture. She dropped the color-changing flowers onto Rook's legs.
"Okay, listen up," she said. "I'm tired. I have glitter in places glitter should never be—I found a sequin in my ear canal this morning. And I don't have time to date."
The room went silent. Even the hum of the magical monitors seemed to quiet down.
"So," Jax said slowly, his red eyes narrowing. "You're choosing?"
Stone stiffened. He sat up straighter, looking like a soldier facing a firing squad. Rook stopped peeling his grape.
