“He smiles too much,” I reply.
Julian smirks and walks into the room. He sets his hands on his hips and gazes around as if he’s never been here before. “You’ve done a lot here.”
“You can thank your brothers for that. Fort painted and put up those wallpaper borders. Getty and Tye put all the furniture together.”
He looks at the identical dark wood cribs on the opposite wall. “That must have been entertaining to watch.”
“It definitely got loud. They kept fighting over the tools. Tye finally gave up and took a nap on the elephant throw rug.”
Julian flashes a smile. My heart skips.
“Sounds about right,” he says. He moves to the nearest crib and runs his hand along the railing. His wedding ring clinks against the smooth wood. His smile has vanished. “Do you regret your choice, Cecilia?”
He isn’t talking about the nursery theme. I rest my hand on the soft flannel covering my belly. Julian watches me with caution. He’s wary, almost fearful of what I might say.
“No,” I tell him as our babies move under my palm. “But the choice was never really mine, was it? You had me figured out from the beginning. Before I even got here. Isn’t that right?”
He doesn’t need to confess but he does it without even blinking. “Yes. By the time your plane landed I already knew all about you. I knew you loved the color pink and libraries and small towns. I knew you had only one real friend and barely any social life. I knew you liked to sit alone at charming cafes and write in your journal. I knew everything.”
I’d already figured out this was the case but hearing him admit it opens up a whole new can of worms. “You obviously did your homework. Clearly, you wanted to see if I was suitable to play the part of your wife. And I overlooked every single red flag because I was so lonely and so desperate to be part of a family again.” I croak out a humorless laugh. “Pathetic, huh?”
Julian’s fingers curl into a fist atop the crib railing. The face he makes suggests he’s in physical pain. “Yesterday you said you understood everything. But you don’t, Cecilia. You really don’t.”
“Of course I do, Julian. You told me how you felt that night in the bar. I remember every word. You said real love can destroy you, leaving you heartsick with an addiction to memories. You never wanted to fall in love and you knew you could never love me. That’s why I was chosen.”
He stands completely still. I can’t account for the horror on his face or why he looks as if he might vomit. Maybe hearing the stark, unfiltered truth out loud is just too much.
But now Julian’s name is being shouted from somewhere down the hall and within seconds, a breathless Tye appears in the doorway.
“There you are,” he says. “Sonny needs you.”
Julian heaves a deep sigh and looks down while pinching the bridge of his nose. “What is it now?”
“Security system is out. Must be the storm but you know Sonny. He’s still freaking.”
“All of you can freak the fuck out without me!” Julian yells.
Tye pauses over his brother’s furious tone. He looks at me for an explanation. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” I say. “Julian, go ahead. This sounds important.”
My husband’s haunted eyes cut to me. “We’re not finished talking.” His voice sounds hoarse, tormented. Very unlike him.
“We’ll talk later,” I say, although I’m not excited to resume this conversation. It’s not a pleasant one.
Meanwhile, there are shouts coming from downstairs and I can hear Sonny carrying on about high winds and calling in the technical team for an emergency repair and no, he doesn’t care that it’s freaking Christmas Eve.
Julian sighs again and suddenly I feel very sorry for him. It’s impossible not to notice that he gets pulled in so many directions at once, always expected to stay on top of every situation and find a solution. His broad shoulders already carry a mountain of responsibility. I won’t add to his troubles.
“Are you coming?” Tye asks.
Julian shoots me one more agonized look and I nod.
“It’s fine,” I tell him.
“No, it’s not,” he mutters in misery but he follows his brother.
The sound of their heavy footsteps recedes and I grab a pile of soft yellow and green receiving blankets. They are already folded but I shake them open and then carefully fold them again.
