“Can we have sex without completing the bond?” I ask, and both of them tense.
“Yes,” Hunter grits out.
“Good to know,” I mumble. “Do we have to be together? At the same time, when we do?”
“No. There are no rules as to who can be with you at any time. The only time it is necessary for all of us to be in the room is when we bite you,” Hunter says.
“Is the bond pushing you, or do you think you could love me?” I ask, knowing that if they only like me because some unknown force is pushing us together, I would always wonder if they would choose me, regardless.
“I can understand your doubts,” Hunter starts, brushing my hair behind my ear. “It’s difficult to explain to someone who isn’t a shifter.” He pauses, crossing his arms. “We have a ball of need in our gut, urging us to claim you. At our core, we are animals, and we are constantly prowling, waiting to have you. Also, we're men. You're a beautiful woman, kind, and loyal. We want to get to know you and learn about your life. The bond is more about trust than anything. We have to trust that the universe and our animals know what's meant to be.”
“And me?” I ask.
“You have to trust that we would never do anything to hurt you,” Lawson says. “That we're true in our claim. It’s like any relationship, it’s scary at first, but the love grows.”
“What do you want?” Hunter asks.
“What do you mean?” I frown.
“In a relationship? In us? What would make you happy?” I stare at Hunter, honestly stumped for a moment.
“No one has ever asked me that,” I whisper.
“We're asking,” Lawson rumbles. “We want to make you happy.”
I meet his eyes and fall a little in love. Just the fact that they want to know tells me that I don’t think I will ever leave them.
Chapter Ten
Haven
“When I was little, I would sit in my room, wishing for a fairytale. The white knight would rescue me from my evil father. I was very lonely and didn’t have many friends. I decided to rescue myself. I enjoyed pushing the limits of my father’s temper, yet in doing that, I began to get to know myself. For so long, there was so much importance placed on being the perfect daughter—quiet and ladylike. So, even though my rebellion caused him to raise his fist more often than not, I don’t regret it. It taught me to be who I wanted to be. It was more than dying my hair different colors, which he despised. It was learning what I liked. What was I good at? Writing letters to Rylee started a love for writing and books. Getting to know her showed me that there were people out there who could connectwith me. Living at home was cold and sterile. I was trapped in a place with no color.”
“I loved art class and discovered my love for painting. It was just so freeing. My father couldn’t stop me from going to class because he respected education. He believed they wouldn’t teach me something he didn’t approve of. I became better and better, but that wasn’t what I cared about. The smell of the paints and losing all worries as I attacked a canvas was what I loved. When the class became too easy, I wanted more. I found a program, but it wasn’t related to school. So, I had to lie. Father believed me when I told him I was volunteering to tutor. That was a noble thing to do, and I agree, but I knew he wouldn’t let me go if he knew the truth. He lied to me all the time, so I didn’t feel guilty. I did what I had to. I wanted to live.”
“Did you bring your supplies?” Hunter asks.
“No. I didn’t think the visit would last forever.”
“We would love to see your art,” Lawson says softly.
“This trip is filled with firsts,” I snort. “When Father found out, he burned all my brushes.”
“Fuck,” Hunter growls, and I shrug.
“I wasn’t surprised.” I look at Hunter, then at Lawson. “I want a man…or men, who will allow me to be whatever I want to be. They should be patient, loving, and cherish our connection. Life should be exciting, and I don’t mean we should be living in up every minute. But we shouldn’t be scared to do the things that bring us closer, and make life more fun and fulfilling.” I shake my head and lick my lips. “I need respect. I have a brain and opinions. I don’t want my feelings brushed off as if they mean nothing. Yet, I also like that you want to take care of me. When I was growing up, I was often left alone. No one cared if I had something to eat, if I was cold, or how I slept. I like your dominance because I know it’s done with care and concern.
“I don’t doubt we're mates. Words are easy to say. If you say you're sorry, yet do the same thing again and again, are you really? I need to be shown; it is the intention behind the words that makes it real. Trust is hard for me. I haven’t had a serious relationship. The men I've dated haven’t worked. Sure, I continued seeing them for a few months, but something always held me back.”
“They weren’t us,” Lawson grits out, and I smile.
“That may be,” I laugh. “It wasn’t all their fault. I held back. I didn’t care enough to delve deeper. For the first time, I want to learn about you. From what you’ve said, your pasts haven’t been good. I understand, and I know it won’t be easy to open up. I’ve told you more than anyone else, except Rylee. I don’t want to push, and I won’t. You need to trust me, too. We don’t have to tell our life story all at once. Building a solid foundation is what we need to do. The important thing is that I want to. I want to try with the four of you. I feel seen by all of you. It’s strange to say since I met you yesterday, but your attention gives me confidence.”
“You should feel confident,” Hunter says softly. “We want to be everything you want and need.”
“I can’t guarantee that I’m going to do everything right,” Lawson says.
“You don’t have to,” I say, turning toward him. “We aren’t perfect. We make mistakes. As long as your heart is engaged, it doesn’t matter how we get to be happy.”
