“It was who she was,” I whisper. “She kept me home for weeks, and wouldn’t let me shift to heal faster, so she could prolong the sympathy.”
“That’s horrible.”
“She's a bitter, lonely woman.”
“She has no excuse,” she growls.
“No, but I don’t think we can truly understand people like her. People like your father, or the man who forced Lawson to fight for his life. There are bad people everywhere, and it'll never change. Vivian will never change,” I whisper.
“How did you get away? How did you find your brothers?” she asks.
“I graduated from high school. She couldn’t legally keep me. It was the first time I saw her at a disadvantage. She threatened to close my account, and I didn’t care. She promised violence, but I brushed it away. I wanted out and away from her. I could finally stop pretending to be the perfect son. My hatred burst out through my forced calm exterior. She taught me to always hide my animal. He clawed at my chest, angry and hurt. We had scheduled times we could shift because she hated being an animal, and I think that was part of the reason she lived the way she did. Having a mate wasn’t something she thought about, so she only dated human men. She was terrified that someone would find out, and shoved her animal deep inside. I wanted to be free, and couldn’t understand how she could ignore that part of herself. My jaguar needed out of that cold house, and the horrible woman who molded me into something I didn’t want to be anymore.” I squeeze her waist. “I had become the cold, unfeeling person she was, and I couldn’t be like her.”
“You are nothing like her,” she hisses.
“You didn’t know me then,” I say softly, and I’m grateful she didn’t. “I left despite her screams of protest. She called every day and sent men to follow me. I ignored her and them. I workedand saved money so I could go to school. She kept her promise and cut me off. She thought I would come begging, but I was grateful. I didn’t want anything from her anymore.” I glide my hand under her hair and grasp the back of her neck. “I didn’t look for my brothers because they were nothing but a memory. I couldn’t remember their faces, and I thought they were lost to me. Working and shaking off the mind games Vivian liked to play became my priority. Several times, I thought about going back.”
“Why?” she asks.
“It’s twisted, but she was a mother figure. She made me depend on her, and she knew how to make me feel guilty. Logically, I shouldn’t have, but I did. I was all she had, and even though she was the woman who shoved me in the basement, I loved her.” I shake my head. “I resisted and sought help.”
“What kind of help?”
“I went to a therapist. At first, I couldn’t imagine talking about my feelings. The doctor was a shifter and very patient. As a result of my time with him, I know I'm a man who will always want control in all things. My life was out of control, and I needed that feeling. It’s part of who I am, and it’s not harmful. I hate being alone in the dark and basements. He had me practice and gradually dim the lights in a small room. It helped, and I’m not as traumatized by it. He made me see that I shouldn’t feel guilty for loving her, but I can acknowledge that it was her actions that molded my love, demanded it. Now I can look at my childhood objectively, yet I'll always have tough moments because of it.
“The years went by, and Vivian called less and less. I never answered. I started to wonder about my brothers. Finding them seemed impossible. Moving here, I wanted to try, but I set up my business first. I met the lions, and I became friends with Las. I opened up to him, and he introduced me to Quinn. He agreed to look into it, and barely started when they found me.”I smile thinking about the first time I saw Hunter and Bane. “I felt an instant connection. My jaguar knew they were family, and suddenly their faces as boys came rushing back. All the memories I’d forgotten or pushed away were there again. It was odd. My animal knew them, yet we were strangers. I was hesitant. Hunter and Bane had a bond. They had been together since birth and their experiences were similar. It was as if I was on the outside again, by no fault of theirs.
“It took time and patience. Once we shifted together, things began to fall into place. There is something about being in the wild, one with our animals, brothers again. Months later, it felt like we had always been together. Their life wasn’t here, but with Heath. He was their friend, boss, and someone they didn’t want to leave. I understood. I wished they would move here, and I was grateful when they did. Heath isn’t the most open man; it took a bit to get to know him. I will always be grateful to him; he helped find Lawson. When we were finally reunited, everything fell into place.” I glance over my shoulder, hearing him roll over on the bed. “He needs us even more than we need him.” I narrow my eyes as he emits a low growl. Haven looks at me, but her human ears can’t hear him. “He’s restless,” I mumble. I’d hoped that being with Haven would allow him to sleep through the night.
“What’s wrong?” she asks, stepping back.
“If I ask you to stay out here, will you?”
“Why?”
A pained cry comes from her bedroom, and she inhales sharply.
“He’s having a nightmare.” I move, jogging to get to my brother. Haven runs behind me. “Haven,” I growl.
“No. The answer is no,” she says firmly.
“Fuck. He doesn’t want you to see him like this.” Honestly, I don’t know how he will react, but my first instinct is to protect his pride.
“He needs me,” she says softly. We stop at the door. The groans of pain are louder.
“He can get violent. If he hurts you, he won’t come back,” I warn.
“Please,” she whispers, and I clench my teeth. As I open the door, Lawson is clawing at the sheets, twisting on the bed. I put my arm out when Haven takes a step. “Remy, let me go to him. I know he won’t hurt me.” I stare at her for a moment. “You can stay right beside me. Yank me out of the way if he swings.” I want to laugh and spank her ass at the same time.
“Fine,” I grit out, and grab her hand.
She moves quickly toward the bed.
“Lawson,” she says firmly, and he twitches. “I’m here. You’re here with me.” His head tilts her way, but his eyes remain closed. “You’re safe.” She sits on the edge of the bed, and I tighten my grip. “I want to sleep beside you.” His body begins to relax. “Will you let me?” She touches his hand, trailing her fingers over his fist. I’m shocked as he releases the sheets. “I need you to keep me warm.” She pulls away and crawls closer. “Lawson, mate, you're safe.” His eyes slowly open, and his breath evens out.
“Haven?” he rasps.
“Who else? You better not have anyone else in your bed,” she sings.
