“Alright,” JJ starts, voice low. “Either you two fucked, or you made a move and she shot you down. Or you reallywantto fuck her, but won’t, for some reason.”
He pulls away as Kara swoops in with my beer like a superhero. She’s gone before my thank you reaches her ears, and I take a few long drags, trying to find peace in the cold brew as it slides down my throat.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
JJ’s a certifiable guru when it comes to advice. But admitting this whole thing out loud makes itmoreof a real problem.
“Fine by me.” He raises his hands defensively. “But don’t expect me to sit here and deal with your moody ass all night. This is the first Fourth of July I’ve gotten off in three years.”
“I’m not moody.”
“You just looked at Darian’s hand like you wanted to cut it off,” he says as I take another sip. “And now you’re scowling. In the middle of a party.”
I drop my beer on the table and rub my eyes. JJ’s a fixer, through and through. It’s part of what makes him such a damn good guy—and why I know he won’t let this go.
“I like her,” I blurt, ripping off the band-aid. “I like her, and we messed around a little bit, but we shouldn’t have. She’s leaving next month.”
There. I said it. Part of me expects the weight to lift from my chest, but it doesn’t. Just fucking digs its claws in.
“Don’t see what her leaving has to do with anything.”
That third beer must be messing with his cognition. Heknowsmy tendencies. Knows I have a hard time with casual.
“She and I can’t go anywhere,” I say, driving it home. “I can keep on liking her, but she’s going to leave, and I’m never going to see her again. Why would I sign myself up for that?”
“Gray, she lives inBoston.Not Wisconsin. It’s only, like, two hours from here.” He says it like it’s so simple, which frustrates me more, enough for my thoughts to tumble out.
“Two hours of time, but it’s a different world up there.”With a giant pool of successful guys who climb ladders and chase promotions, just like her.“She might be taking a detour to this world right now, but she isn’t staying.” I trace the rim of my bottle, not sure when I became a fucking philosopher. “And you know how I got after Mackenzie.Couldn’t focus. Couldn’t think straight. I’m not doing that again.”
JJ nods, fingers tapping on his drink. “She already have a job lined up in the city?”
“Not that I know of.”
“So how do you know she’s going back?”
I’m pretty sure my friend just sprouted two heads. “It’s her spot. Where she wants to be.”
“You seem so sure of that.”
“You would be, too, if you knew her like I do.”
Yet as I say it, I remember howwistfulshe’d looked the other day, observing the pond from that quiet strip of sand. She’s killing it with her marketing, and with every day that passes, she looks more at home on the skiffs, at the farm, despite that polish she always wears.
A cheer goes up by the bar, and my head swivels—past the commotion, to Eliza, who’s laughing at something Darian’s saying with animated gestures. Part of me wishes he was a shithead, so I’d have an excuse to rip him away from her. But while Darian might have appreciative eyes, he’s a good guy. He won’t make any moves unless she makes one first.
My next breath is tight as I reset on JJ. But his eyes have followed mine, staying on the scene behind me. And he has to go and say the last thing I need to hear.
“All I’m gonna say is if she doesn’t have a job lined up, you don’t know for sure that she’s heading back.” He takes a heavy breath. “And if Alex taught me anything, it’s that when you find someone special, you hold on like hell and cherish it. ‘Cause if it slips away, you’ll always wonder if that, right there, was the best part of your life.”
24
ELIZA
My brain likesto overanalyze a lot of things.
Emails. Small talk with baristas. Whether an exclamation point makes me sound too cute or too angry. But there’s one thing that’ll always top that list: job interviews.
This morning’s phone interview with a tech startup is on replay in my mind, torturing me as I plan the next two weeks of strategy. My ROI and engagement for Gold’s have been outstanding, which means I’m finally at a place where I know what works—a good thing, because I can’t focus on anything but the hiring manager’s unimpressed responses to everything I said.
