I swallow the ball lodged in my throat. My heart beats wildly against my ribs. “Jax…”
His hand falls away from my face. Only then do I realize just how badly I didn’t want it.
“The truth is, Phoenix, I can’t help the way I feel about you. It’s beyond my control. Sometimes, it clouds my judgment. But I swear, I’ll?—”
I don’t let him finish whatever he wants to say. I fist the front of his shirt and pull him down. When our lips meet, sparks fly.
At first, he’s utterly still. But once I don’t pull away, my lips slowly coaxing his, asking for permission, he leans in. His palms find my waist, our bodies flush together.
I’m painfully aware of his beating heart against mine. How good he smells. How amazing he tastes.
The realization hits me hard enough to make my head spin.
Oh, how terrified I was since I left him at the feeding grounds that I’d never get to experience this again. His lips against mine.
When I finally force myself to pull away to get some air, my head is dizzy. Jax’s dark gaze watches my lips, his own red and swollen from the kiss.
The umbrella above our heads tunes out the rest of the world as the rain beats down upon it.
For a brief moment, it’s only him and I.
Slowly, a cheeky smirk blooms on his lips. “You should have started your apology with this. Speaks louder than a thousand words.”
I can’t help it.
I snort a laugh and rest my forehead against his chest.
Fucking ass.
I pull away to look up at him again. “Don’t get used to it. The apologies, or kisses…”
The warmth his presence brought floats away as something else takes over. Jax notices the shift in my mood immediately.
He hooks a finger under my chin and angles my face up. “Darling, I know I don’t deserve you. Not after all I’ve done. You’re the Ezkai General. But…I’ll do whatever it takes to earn you, to deserve your love.” He whispers the words over my lips.
The sincerity in his words twists something in my chest. I bring my fingertips to his cheekbone, tracing its sharp line. “Oh, Jax…Love’s not something you earn. It’s given freely.”
I inhale a sharp breath, cold fingers of terror clawing at my chest. I’m so not used to being vulnerable like this.
I wet my lips and force the words out. “I pushed you away after our kiss in the forest not because I think you’re unworthy, or because I don’t want you.” I cup both his cheeks in my palms. “I do. I do want you, Jax. But I was terrified of my want, still am, because of who I am. What I am.”
Jax watches me intently, waiting for me to gather my thoughts.
“You’re right. I’m the Ezkai General. I got here because I spent years fighting my grief with a hunger for power. More of it. As much of it as I can get. I’ve been so determined to collect the blood debt I’m owed, I slayed the man I loved in cold blood.I don’t want to ruin you, too. I can’t bear the thought of losing you, too.”
“Our connection is not a weakness, darling. It’s a strength. Use it. Use me,” he says. “Daegel died not because you were hunting for more power. He died because instead of accepting who you truly are and standing by your side as you grow into your true potential, he chose to stand in your way.”
I want to believe his words. I do, but…
I shake my head. “Jax…I found the dragon after we split up. And she rejected me again. But before she did, she showed me things…a vision of what sort of destruction I am capable of bringing if I continue on this path I’m on. If I don’t control my power, and desire for it, I’m going to doom us all.”
Jax remains silent for a long while, his eyes searching my face.
Finally, he says, “You’ve seen the worst. You know what to do to avoid it. I’ll be there, by your side to help you do it. You don’t have to carry this burden alone anymore, darling.”
His words offer me comfort I didn’t even know I needed.
“Thank you,” I say. “I will need you and Vera by my side now more than ever.”
