Mathilde sighs. A moment later, someone yanks the blanket off me. Cold air nips at my exposed skin. I curl up into a ball, trying to preserve whatever warmth I have left.
One of the men grabs my ankle and yanks me towards the edge of the bed. I try to hold on to something—anything—but the only thing I manage to grab is my pillow, which is not much help.
Well…
Just as the other fae reaches for me, I slam the pillow over his face. It barely hurts the man, but it sure startles him enough to pause.
I yank my feet back from my attackers and crawl away from them.
I sneer, “Fuck off!”
Just as the men start prowling towards me, Mathilde raises her hand with another sigh. “Enough. Leave her.”
I’m surprised when the two big bad Caligos listen to my caregiver and leave the room. Once it’s only the two of us, Mathilde says, “There’s not much I can do to help you, miss. You have to help yourself if you want to survive.”
“I don’t.” My voice cracks at the end.
Mathilde watches me for a long, silent moment. Then, she brings the tray with food and sets it on the mattress in front of me.
“Eat,” she says softly.
I stare at the steaming vegetables and grilled tofu on the plate. My stomach growls, mouth filling with saliva at the sight and smell of food.
I’m ravenous.
“Eat,” Mathilde repeats. “There are better ways to die.”
I look up at her before returning my attention to the food. Slowly, I reach for the fork. My fingers spasm just as I’m about to grab it.
I try again. The spasm is too strong. Grabbing that pillow earlier took a toll. I can’t hold it for long.
“You need a mender,” Mathilde says, taking the fork from me. She stabs steamed broccoli with it and brings it up to my mouth. “They may fix some of the damage. At least enough to allow you to use your hands again.”
I’m too tired to resist. So, I open my lips and allow her to feed me. She’s patient with me. And I really take my time, chewing each small bite slowly. I just…I’m so tired, even eating is exhausting.
While she feeds me in silence, I look out the window. At the storm raging outside. The sky is so grey it gives me chills. A small part of me, somewhere deep, screams for me to do something. To react, to act. To do something—anything—to prevent whatever is coming. And somethingiscoming. Something bad.
I just…can’t.
The best I can do is resist Reizei for as long as I can.
You could infiltrate, a dark voice whispers in the corner of my mind.
I could play pretend. I could get out of bed, put on a face, and follow Reizei’s lead. Allow him to dress me, and control me to execute whatever plans he has for me as his…heir.
I could use all my skills, all my charm that I’ve used on House Dzuni and the Order of Ezkai, the Ezkai General himself, toinfiltrate Caligos. Tear them apart from inside out. That’s what old Vera would have done.
Chewing on my last bite, I glance down at my trembling hands resting in my lap. The scars that litter my forearms and stretch over my arms are terrible. The menders who healed the bleeding wounds didn’t care to be thoughtful about the way the scars would heal.
The screams of those two poor innocent girls as they were being tortured in front me still ring in my ears. They haunt my dreams every night. Whenever I close my eyes, the streaked blood pops back up.
Infiltrating Caligos would take someone I’m no longer capable of being.
“You need a bath,” Mathilde says.
I look up at her. “I don’t care if I smell.”
“Nonsense,” she says, rising to her feet. “The most famous Caetra in Jaakii certainly cares about it, even in the most dire of circumstances.”
