I don’t know how long we ride. Time has gone strange, stretching and collapsing at once.
My eyes keep finding Jax. The grey of his face. The shallow rise and fall of his chest. Ravenna’s hands don’t stop moving, and I take that as a sign I shouldn’t let go of hope just yet.
Kazh warned me.
Lorca warned me.
Even the dragon showed me exactly what my choices could cost.
I thought I understood the warning.
I thought…saving Vera was the right thing.
Maybe it was. Maybe it wasn’t.
Right now, with Jax’s heartbeat flickering against mine like a candle in wind, I can’t tell the difference.
I press my back against the carriage wall and close my eyes.
We lost. We won.
I don’t know which one matters more tonight.
CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT
PHOENIX
Istand in silence against the wall, my eyes following every swift movement of the mender as she works the stinky salve into Vera’s trembling palms. The deep red lines that cut across her wrists are brutal. So are the number of other scars that cover her forearms.
It’s a miracle she’s alive.
Miss Talbot. The maid’s words spin in my mind, again and again. I haven’t asked Vera about it. Not yet. She needs to recover first. And maybe…I just need a moment to breathe before I open that chest of nightmares.
“You came for me.” Vera’s voice is so quiet I almost miss it, lost in thought. “You actually brought a whole damn unit with you.”
I don’t meet her eyes. “I should have come sooner.”
A ball lodges in my throat, preventing me from speaking. I can’t look away from the jagged scars that were not there when we first met. The healthy, strong woman people parted for in thestreets when she walked…came back to me as a haunted shell of scarred skin and bones.
The mender finishes the massage and sets Vera’s hands in her lap, palms up. Her fingers spasm lightly once in a while.
My stomach sinks further.Oh, gods.
“Phoenix.” My name on Vera’s lips is gentle. “Look at me.”
I manage to swallow the ball lodged in my throat and force myself to meet her gaze. She doesn’t look at me with anger or blame. It should ease some of the sickly thick guilt in my chest. And yet…
“You came. You didn’t give up hope that I was alive. You looked for me. And you came to save me. Thank you for not giving up on me.”
The backs of my eyes prickle and the very tip of my nose is ticklish. I push the tears away, and clear my throat. “I would never. You’re…family to me, Vera. I will never give up on you. And I’m sorry it took me so long to come to you. I’m sorry—I’m sorry for what Reizei has done to you. For that, he’ll pay. I swear.”
A sad smile blooms on Vera’s face as she looks down at her palms. “We can’t let him win this.”
“He won’t,” I say, my voice hard.
Vera purses her lips and nods. A moment later, she looks up again. “Where’s Jax? Is he…okay?”
I sigh and nod. “Yeah, the mender patched him up. He’s resting now.”
