Kazh goes still.
I look over to where Jax sits. He meets my gaze with the same calm and confidence he had standing behind me inside my mind.
That’s when my steady, grounded inner peace snaps into two.
For the first time, I did it. I reached the blissful calm I’ve been seeking all this time.
But I didn’t do it alone.
With a sharp exhale, I scramble to my feet.
Before Kazh can say anything, I blurt out, “I need a break.”
As if a mountain lion is chasing me, I dash through the open terrace door and outside. On my way, I almost walk into Ezkai Bjorn’s chair. Before I know it, my feet are running towards the forest.
I don’t care where I’m going.
I just need to be somewhere else, away from Kazh, the monastery and…Jax.
Deeper and deeper into the forest I run. I only stop when it hits me that I have no clue where I am, or how to get back. Panting, I brace my hands on my thighs and look around. It all looks the same to me, the ocean of trees and bushes.
I try to listen for the sound of running water, but my heart roars in my ears and my breathing is too labored.
“Fuck,” I mutter and straighten my back.
For a long while, I simply stand in the middle of the forest, looking at the swaying tree tops. The peace and quiet is soothing in a way, and soon my heartbeat and breathing steady.
I feel him, his presence through the distance. The closer he gets to me, the warmer my chest feels.
Panic seizes my chest, its bony fingers clutching it tight.
“Are you okay?” Jax asks. “What happened there?”
Slowly, I turn to face him.
“You helped me,” I say.
“I did.”
I press my lips into a thin line.
Jax’s eyes narrow and he cocks his head. “Are you angry about that?” When I don’t answer, he adds, “Why?”
The naive confusion in his question unleashes the dragon within me.
“Why? Because it’s a problem!” I scream at Jax. “What sort of Decarios am I, what sort of Ezkai General, if I can only master my subconscious mind when my Blood Sentineal is holding my hand, HUH? What happens when I need you and you’re not there to help me! You, this dependency, make me vulnerable, asshole.”
He blinks. Wets his lips. Swallows. “So, what, just because you’re big bad Decarios you can’t have people help you? Now that you’re an Ezkai General, you can’t have people close to you support you even if it makes you stronger?”
I grit my teeth, our eyes locked.
He’s driving me fucking out of my mind.
As if he can read my mind, Jax cocks his head to the side. “Wanna punch me, darling? Would that help make you feel better?”
My hands curl into fists at my sides. But instead of taking the bait, I whirl on my heel and let out a roar of frustration before I stomp through the forest back towards the damn monastery.
He thinks he’s so clever.
