My eyes widened at his whispered admission, and I bit my lip to suppress the confession on the tip of my tongue. After so many years with this ache in my chest, it begged to be released.
But before I mustered the courage to admit it, Blake’s lips twitched with a smile. “She’s just a jealous bitch who gives weak head. And she hated how I prioritized you over her.”
I opened my mouth to respond, but Blake cleared his throat.
“Both of you. Your whole family, really. She resented you, but…” He swallowed deeply and met my stare. “I know my place with you guys, so don’t let what she said get to you, kid.”
Disappointment sank low in my gut.
With one word, Blake reaffirmed that he belonged to us and crushed my hopes for more.
Anger swarmed in my chest like a hive of bees. It was sudden, and a bit irrational, but I couldn’t stop it. I wanted to tell him to stop calling me that. I wanted to ask him why he couldn’t see his place with me, too.
But I couldn’t expose myself that way. Not when he’d just given me the truth, whether it was the one I’d wanted or not.
Now, I didn’t know if I was angry with him, or angry with myself. I’d gotten my hopes up again. And for what?
Blake loved me. He loved our family, and his place with all of us. Admitting the truth about my feelings would only makehim uncomfortable. Maybe even make him doubt his place with me and our family. I couldn’t do that. Not after Becky had just questioned it.
I never wanted to be that girl.
So I didn’t know why I kept torturing myself by loving him differently.
As the notes on the page in front of me blurred, I pushed my chair back to give myself space to breathe.
When even that wasn’t enough, I stood, startling the boys with my abruptness.
“I need a break,” I announced.
Rushing to the quiet of my room, I pulled out my phone and messaged Tessa. She’d given up on studying earlier that day, planning to drown her stress in melted cheese and greasy fries. I typed out a quick message, letting her know I wanted to join.
I needed to get out of the apartment.
I needed air.
Because loving Blake and knowing I’d never be more than family to him was starting to suffocate me. Trapped between two roles in his life I desperately wanted but couldn’t merge.
My phone buzzed on the dresser.
Studying with B&B not going well?
I snorted at her reference to Blake and herBfor the recently departed Becky, texting back as I searched for a cuter outfit.
Details later.I need to get out of here.
Sweet. Peter and his friend just picked me up. We’ll scoop you on the way.
I put on a little makeup and changed out of my oversized hoodie. Opting for a cute skater dress with cutouts at the back and throwing on a pair of high-top sneakers, I revived my loose curls with a quick flip and scrunch maneuver before heading for the front door.
Blake and Adam looked up as I passed, and Blake opened his mouth to say something, but I didn’t pause to hear it. “I’m going out. Be back later.”
With that, I was out the door.
Tessa’s current boy toy, Peter, and his friend, whose name I learned was Finn, were seniors. They took us to a local dive bar way off campus, where no one cared that Tessa and I were too young to be there.
We sat for hours on the back patio, talking about books, music, and art.
Finn listened to everything I had to say like it was the most important and interesting thing he’d ever heard. He asked for my opinion and offered insight on things that mattered to me. And for once, I didn’t feel too young or inexperienced.
