But he rattled off his usual order as if she’d never taken it and handed over the menus. She took them with a smile before turning to me. “Your usual, Addie?”
“Yes, please.”
With a nod, she left us there to grab our drinks. She had our routine down pat and didn’t seem put off by my oblivious twin brother’s lack of engagement.
“Why don’t you ever flirt back with her?”
Adam stared at me quizzically, but followed my gaze to Sloan when I looked at her.
“Sloan? She’s just doing her job, Addie.” He shrugged, brushing off the question without a second thought. “Besides, I think she’s seeing someone, and she’s more Blake’s type, anyway. You know he’s always had a thing for blue-eyed blondes.”
I snorted, and then chewed on my straw as I swallowed the uncomfortable reminder that I hadn’t been one of them. Keeping my tone level and polite, I asked, “And how is Blake?”
Adam scrutinized me as if I didn’t ask that every week. “Fine. Same as last week.”
“Fine is a hair type, Adam. Not an adequate response when asked how someone’s doing.”
He shrugged, lacing his fingers together and setting his hands on the table in front of him. “You want more details? You’ll have to ask him.”
I scoffed, surprised my twin had showed up ready to play hardball, but unable to take the bait. Brushing a few nonexistent crumbs off the table, I shook my head. “Nope. That’s fine.Fineis a perfectly fine answer. You don’t want to share? That’s justfinewith me.”
Adam released a heavy breath. “Is this how it’s going to be between you forever?”
He reached out and stopped the pointless sweep of my hand over the pristine table.
I snapped my gaze to his, expecting judgment over my decision. His blue-green eyes, the ones identical to mine, stared back at me, filled with nothing but concern.
“What happened between you two, Addie? He sure as hell doesn’t get it. And he’s been acting like it doesn’t bother him, but…every time you come by to grab stuff and leave again, it does. I know you guys think I don’t pick up on emotional cues, but he stares at your room when he thinks I’m not watching. Like he’s waiting for you to walk out of it.”
My chest tightened, and I muttered under my breath to avoid how that image pierced me. “Sounds like he needs a hobby.” When the joke landed flatly between us, I bit the inside of my cheek, fighting past the way Adam’s words twisted me up inside. “Nothing happened, Adam. It was time for me to clean up my own messes. Time for me to meet people who wanted me around for more than pranks and tutoring. Time to grow up.” I shrugged. “It’s…better this way.”
“Better for who?”
“For me,” I snapped. “Better for me. Can that be reason enough to leave it at that?”
His mouth twitched like he wanted to frown, but he schooled his expression before he exposed how deeply this rift unsettled him. But no matter how stoic he acted, I knew. Adam thrived on routine and consistency.
And in one afternoon, the acoustics in the stadium changed everything. It made life as it had been impossible. With Blake’s answer to my brother’s question—one I never should have overheard but did—I had to force myself to accept that Blake would never see me as more than family. A realization I’d been avoiding for most of my life.
I couldn’t deal with that.
Not as I tried to pretend everything was fine.
I’d never let go of my ridiculous fantasy if he was always around. I needed space from the painful reminder of what I’d wanted but couldn’t have. Or I’d spend the rest of college, and maybe my whole life, pining.
I wanted—needed—to move on, and I’d stolen Adam’s security in doing it.
Adam sank back in his chair, his shoulders slumping. “Yeah, Addie. That’s enough. We just—Imiss you. That’s all.”
“Hey.” I grabbed his hand, squeezing it as guilt rose inside me. “I miss you, too. I just…”
I hated that my self-imposed distance hurt everyone. Myself included, and the worst part was that I couldn’t even tell Adam why because it would only make things worse and more awkward between all of us. If I explained, Adam would tell Blake. Then every time I saw him, I’d have to face that I’d made my feelings known, and hestilldidn’t want me.
This way, my one saving grace was that he didn’t know. This way, I could see a way forward that didn’t look the same as it did right now. At least one day.
“It won’t be like this forever, Adam.”
“Promise?” He perked up. “Maybe for Blake’s birthday?”
