I failed her.
I’m going to fail this kingdom.
My people.
Why would they trust me to save us when I can’t even save myself?
I heave and heave until there is nothing left. Until the cold rattling my bones is not caused by the breeze, it’s within.
“Elorie?” Greer’s voice comes from behind me, and my head hangs heavy. “Are you okay?”
“No,” is the most I can manage.
What’s the point of lying anymore? I am not okay. The kingdom is certainly not okay. And the king is?—
My fingernails bite into the stony ground simply thinking about him.
Rocking on my heels, I sit back and wrap my arms around my legs. I look up when Greer circles, until she’s standing over me. Her dark braids are pulled off her face in a knot at the back of her head, revealing the brightness in her eyes.
“You look like death.” Her voice is flat.
I laugh, but there’s no amusement in it. She has no idea.
Greer stares at me with a pinch between her eyebrows, and I shake my head until the gasps catching in my throat turn from laughter to tears. To rivers running freely down my cheeks.
Wiping my fingers beneath my eyes, I close them and try to catch my breath. My chest is too tight. There’s no air here.
After a long moment, I finally open my eyes again.
Greer stands over me, looking around like she’s watching out for anyone who might approach. She doesn’t say anything about me crying, and I appreciate it. I don’t need words right now. Her presence is enough to make me feel the slightest bit less alone.
When my chest calms, she meets my gaze with a silent question, and I nod.
I’ll survive.
She nods back.
Greer plants her hands at her hips, and I take in her outfit. “Why are you wearing that?”
I’ve only ever seen her in her Guard armor. But tonight, it’s replaced with simple leather pants and a gray tunic that draws out the silver in her eyes.
She looks down at herself. “I’m taking a trip to Ruse Village to check in with the new recruits. Callum is handling your training tomorrow, but I’ll be back by dinner.”
I shove to standing, nearly stumbling into my vomit as I do. “Take me with you.”
“I can’t?—”
“Please.” I grab her arms. “I need to get out of here. I can’t be here right now.”
“You have training.”
“You said yourself you’ll be back tomorrow by dinner. No one but Callum will notice, and he won’t say anything.”
Callum covered for me countless times in Alyssium. It annoyed him beyond belief, and he lectured me every time, but he never blew my cover. Crown Guard or not, he won’t run to King Malachi and tell on me.
Even if he does, it’s worth the risk. I can’t be in this place that suffocates me and my magic. In these walls, where Isolde’s lifeless body is simply one of many. Where death is unimportant.
King Malachi knew what he was doing when he killed her—knew what would happen if I failed. He didn’t care about the consequences. We’re tools to him. Nothing more. Even his most trusted maids.
