“She isn’t safe here, and you know it. She isn’t safe anywhere.” Julian spits blood onto the floor, then he meets my gaze. “Not from him. And not with you.”
Maybe he’s right. After all, that’s why I didn’t plan on ever having kids. It’s not safe to bring anyone into the same shit my father brought me into. The people aroundus are always at risk. There’s always someone with a target on our backs, and they know the easiest way to get to us is through those we care about.
So I fortified my walls. Made sure I didn’t give a fuck about anyone but myself.
Until Emery.
Her eyes flash in my mind. Fear and doubt. But also trust. She’s here because she trusts me to protect her. So that’s what I’ll do, to whatever end. I’m no hero. I’m simply the better of two evils.
I’ll be a monster for her.
For Charlie.
Charlie, who I didn’t get the chance to feel kick in her mother’s stomach because Emery couldn’t tell me she was pregnant. Charlie, who I didn’t get to hear cry for the first time because Zane kept her from me. Charlie, who I didn’t get to hold the moment she was born.
Rick Zane took that away, and right here, right now, that is all I can think about. All I see is red.
I’m done talking. I’m done getting answers.
My blade continues the conversation. A stream of my rage pours out as Julian’s screams drown out my thoughts.
The time I missed.
The firsts I’ll never witness.
All because of them.
I start with his fingers. Then toes. Then I call Patch in to bandage them up and bring him back from being near death so I can start again.
A hand.
A tongue.
Maybe if I chop him up into pieces, my problems will shrink as well. They’ll become manageable.
It’s not until Julian is a bloody, shredded pile of flesh—long since breathing—that Chaos steps forward to finally pull me back. My vision snaps like I’ve been sucked into this black hole, and there’s no escape.
In front of me sits the proof I’ll never be enough for my girls. Yet, I don’t feel the least bit guilty.
“He’s done.” Chaos grips my shoulder. “He’s gone.”
I take a step back. I’m covered in blood as I glance back at my brothers. None of us is squeamish at this point, but we all know I took it pretty fucking far.
I couldn’t help it. Emery changes things for me. And for the first time since she walked into the clubhouse, Steel is looking at me like he understands. He nods once before heading to the door with Ghost and Havoc behind him. Venom stays to help Chaos with the body, while Legacy comes to my side.
“You good?” Legacy asks, watching Venom collect body parts from the ground.
I look over at him but don’t answer because I don’t have it in me to lie right now. And if I admit hownotgood I am, I might finally break.
“I get it.” Legacy clears his throat. “I understand how you’re feeling.”
“Oh yeah? How am I feeling?” An unamused laugh huffs out.
“Like you’ll never get back all the shit you missed.” His teeth clench. “Remember when Sera dropped Bea off on my doorstep?”
Sera was a patch bunny Legacy had a fling with years ago. She got hooked on drugs and disappeared for a while. When she walked back into his life, she was holding Legacy’s daughter in her arms. Like me, he had no idea he was a father. And even if it’s a different situation, the feelings are the same. He missed out on her birth. Her first cries. Everything.
“Fuck, man. I didn’t think about that.”
