“Look—”
I wave at him to continue.
“No, go ahead,” he says, placing the sketchpad on the seat beside him.
“Okay. So,” I start, scratching my eyebrow. “Saturday.” I glance over at him. He’s hunched forward on the couch, elbows on his knees, hands clasped in front of his mouth.
“I mean…” I clear my throat, scooting further on the couch, mirroring his position. “Look, it was just a platonic BJ. Friends helping friends, you know? And on Molly, so it doesn’t really even count. I mean, do you even remember it?” I rush out. Trying to laugh but it gets caught in my throat. “Yeah, no, so, whatever, dude. It happened, but we’re okay, right?”
He’s frowning, dragging his lips against his fingers. I bite my lip, bouncing my leg up and down.
Did I say something stupid? Was that not what he wanted to hear? Should I have apologized? Maybe I should. I think I have to. It’s my fault, isn’t it? I was the one—
“Look,” he sighs, combing a hand through his hair. “This is on me. I don’t know what the hell happened, but I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have… done that.”
“Uh, I’m pretty sure I did the most of the…” I gesture vaguely with my hand.
“Yeah, sorry about that, too,” he says, shaking his head.
“No, that—that’s not what I….” I shake my head. “Look, it’s weird times, and we were high and horny, and…” I sigh, dragging a hand over my chin. “Fuck! Listen, you don’t need to apologize, but if you do, then I do too. Apologize. So, we’re both sorry, and let’s just move on. Okay?”
“Yeah, but, I just don’t want you to think that I used you, or like, that I took advantage because you’re gay—”
“No. No, I know. That’s…” I shake my head again. “You didn’t. It’s cool.”
I inhale, leaning back. Exhale slowly. “You’re my best friend.” It doesn’t sound like a question, but it is because what if he’s not anymore? What if this is it? What if I fucked up the only good thing I have here?
“Still?”
“Yeah… Of course.”
He exhales, shoulders dropping, and nods. “Okay.”
“So, we’re okay? Enough of this fucking weirdness, yeah?”
“Yeah,” he exhales a laugh.
“Okay.”
Fuck, that took everything I had. I’m fucking drained. Or maybe that’s because, for the first time since Saturday night, I can breathe normally again. Holy shit.
I exhale, shoulders dropping.
“Platonic BJ, huh?” He grins, and I’m so fucking relieved to see him smile at me like nothing happened.
Good. Now we can move on. Forget this whole ordeal. It was a one-time thing. Never happened before, will never happen again. Period.
“It’s a thing.” I nod.
“Yeah? Never heard of it.”
“Well, then you obviously need new friends.”Not.
He laughs. “Obviously.”
18
Kaden
