“Stop,” she said. She wanted to press her hands over her ears like a child.
“I can’t,” he said. He reached out and grabbed her wrist, and even though he wasn’t holding her tightly or forcefully at all, the touch burned like a brand. “Please. Letty. You have to tell me.”
‘Give in, girl. You have to do as I say. I own you.’
Peter’s hateful voice rang in her mind.
“It’s nothing,” she said. She sounded so very small. That was always how he had made her feel—small, like she could not possibly matter.
Ezra’s other hand came up to touch her cheek, impossibly gentle, and she could not bear it. She just could not bear it.
“Sweetheart,” he murmured, and that was so much worse. “Please. Just tell me. It’s clear it’s hurting you. I will protect you. You’ll stay here. You’ll be safe.”
The words were right, but the screaming panic in her mind warped them into something different, something sinister. She wanted to run, wanted to flee, to disappear into the night, responsibilities be damned.
She jerked out of his hold.
“Someone tried to ruin me, all right?” she snapped, feeling as though someone angrier and more vicious had taken over her voice. “Someotherman who didn’t listen when I refused him, who pushed and pushed andpushed.”
It wasn’t fair. She knew it wasn’t fair to equate Ezra with Peter. They weren’t the same. But she was acting like a wounded animal, lashing out at the hand that tried to help.
Ezra had every reason to lash back out in turn.
But he didn’t.
“I am so sorry, Letty,” he said, his face achingly full of understanding. “I did not mean to alarm you. Please forgive me.”
The apology was heartfelt, but it still felt as though it could not reach her amid the maelstrom of her emotions. She shook her head roughly.
“This never... I never should have come here,” she said, unsure whether she was speaking to herself or her employer. “I knew it from the start. I should have stayed away. But I let myself get pulled in by security, promises, and...”
And by wanting him. She could admit that much. She wanted him, quite desperately. She wanted him with an intensity she had never felt for anyone before.
But that was foolishness. Goodness, it was worse than the whole mess with Peter, in a way. Because at least then, she had not been complicit in her own ruination. But here, now, with Ezra?
She kept walking into trouble with her eyes wide open. And if she let this go on any longer, she wouldn’t be the servant who wasrumoredto have lain with her employer. She would be the woman who had actually done such a thing.
And maybe that difference was only important inside her own mind. But her self-respect was likely the only thing she would have left to her name by the end of this disaster.
“I should not have come here,” she repeated. “And I think it is time for me to leave. Now. Tonight.”
She tried to ignore the wrench in her heart as she spoke the words. It was because ofIris, she told herself. Iris alone.
Because the rest would be just fine. She could rent lodgings again, even if she didn’t have much saved in the way of money.But she would find another position, even without the Duke of Rutley’s recommendation, wouldn’t she? And if she didn’t, if she wasveryeconomical, and if she took in some mending or some laundry, perhaps she could survive until the Duke and Duchess of Godwin came back to England. There was no guarantee they’d take her back, of course, but maybe. And Ezra avoided his family, so she wouldn’t have to see him much. And Sarah would be provided for, and?—
“Letitia.” Ezra was looking at her, concern etched deep in his expression. His hands twitched as though he wanted to reach for her, but he pulled himself back. She choked down a whimper of dismay. “Listen. You are not a prisoner here. I do not want you to leave.” More emotion tried to fight its way up her throat. “But I will not prevent you, if you wish to go. But… please. Not like this. Not in the dead of night.”
He took a slow step forward, as if he were trying not to startle a frightened animal.
“If you go right now, there will be danger,” he said soothingly. “Even if you kept those dreadful rooms of yours...”
She shook her head. Of course, she had not. It had been a needless expense.
Ezra made a low sound of acknowledgment. “Even if you had,” he went on, “I wouldn’t feel good about you traveling the streets alone at this hour. And I would fear that if someone saw you get out of my carriage and go into your rooms alone, they would think you a good target for robbery. And since you don’t havethem anymore, it becomes even more complicated. You will not be able to find a place—not any place safe, at least—at this time of night.”
“You’re right,” she said, feeling all the fight suddenly go out of her. “I don’t have anywhere else to go.”
She sounded piteous enough that she was immediately disgusted with herself, but she found she lacked the energy to put on a brave face.
