She just wished that things could be the tiniest bit easier.
Ezra found her there as he made his way toward the front door, heading to become one of those faceless merry-makers outside. Letitia let out a breathy laugh. Well, it wasn’t as if she could ask for a better reminder of the differences in their statuses.
“What are you doing here?” he asked, the words not a demand that she justify herself, but rather the affectionate remark of someone who was pleased to have found her.
Her poor heart could not take much more this evening. It had almost twisted in on itself when Iris had told her that she wished Letitia could stay.
“Just…” She waved a hand. “Woolgathering, I suppose.” She dared not let him ask what was preoccupying her mind, so she turned to professional matters. For just a few more days, she had to keep herself focused on professional matters. Then, once she was far from Ezra’s orbit, she could let herself be overtaken by her emotions.
“I wanted to thank you again for allowing Sarah to stay,” she said, fixing a polite smile on her face. “I know that you hired her as part of my employment, so I understand that you are doing us both a kindness by allowing her to remain.”
He tipped his head as if brushing aside her thanks, and Letty heard a voice that sounded suspiciously like Sarah’s in her mind.He really is a good man. Why should you not accept his protection? His care?
Dangerous, dangerous thoughts.
“She’s a good worker,” he said with a shrug, as if it were no small thing. As if people had not been calling Sarah useless her whole life, just because of her missing hand. “And the housekeeper reports that she gets along well with the rest of the staff. I have absolutely no reason to let her go.”
Curse him and his goodness, his stupid generosity of spirit. He was supposed to be conniving. He was supposed to be the man who had barged into her home to irritate her into employment. He wasn’t supposed to reveal the kindness beneath that façade.
“Still,” she said. “I thank you.”
Letitia made a mental note to be careful what she wished for, because there it was—that gleam of cleverness that said he was about to start scheming.
“You know,” he said with deliberate slyness. She could see right through that attitude of his now, though. He didn’t want to trick her in the way that malevolent people did—by lying and confounding and backing her into a corner. He wanted her to know he was playing the fox—wanted her to know it was truly a game. If she declined to play, there would be no retribution.
“If youreallywanted to thank me,” he said smoothly, sinking onto the settee next to her, “you could help me find a new governess. You know ever so much better than I do what makes a good one, and I have been having a devil of a time finding anyone who can even come close to filling your shoes.”
She crossed her arms, amused despite herself.
“You do not need to devolve to such petty flattery,” she said. “I will not be charmed by you.”
He gave her a winsome smile. “Are you certain about that?”
His eyes were full of innuendo.
Letitia reached out to shove his shoulder, intending to make space between them, to play this off as unaffecting, as nothing but harmless flirting. She realized her mistake the moment she touched him, however.
Her breath caught. When he grabbed her hand, holding it in his, her pulse began to race.
“We can’t,” she said quietly, though she made no move to pull away. The pad of his thumb traced over her knuckles, and a movement so innocent shouldnotaffect her so desperately.
“I know,” he said, sounding genuinely conflicted. “I know. I do. But we keep saying that and then we…”
She was glad that he trailed off. She was sorry that she had put that look of disappointment upon his face.
“I know,” she said. “But that… It was a mistake.” He flinched, and she felt like the most wretched woman alive. She could not back down, though. “Nothing good can come of it.”
He arched a brow in her direction, but she could tell that his heart wasn’t in it.
“On the contrary, my dear,” he purred. “Something very good did come of it, as I recall.”
“Don’t,” she said. She was still letting him hold her hand. She really should pull away, but she could not seem to manage it. “Please, just don’t make this any harder. It’s already hard enough to leave.”
“Then just don’t,” he said, like the words had burst out of him without his permission. “Just stay.”
She didn’t even have time to respond before he let out a frustrated breath and shook his head.
“No, sorry. You’ve made your decision, and no matter how much I want you to stay, you’re right. I should not make it harder. And I promised you I would let you go. And I am a man of my word.”
