Xander’s father had not been dissimilar to his son. Ambrose’s sense of responsibility to the family likely would have stopped him from taking a mistress, though Ezra thought that loyalty to his wife might have accomplished the same thing. The previous generation of Lightholders had not been littered with love matches the way the current generation was—and Ezra struggled to imagine self-important Cornelius lovinganyone—but Ambrose and Xander’s mother Dinah had always seemed to value each other.
“You could ask the rest of the family about Artemis, as well,” Persephone said softly, one eye wandering to the children to confirm that they were out of earshot. “Someone else might know something, too.”
Ezra gave the idea far more consideration than he might have only a few hours before. But ultimately, he still shook his head.
“I know I can’t keep Iris a secret forever,” he said. “I do know that. And so, I will tell them. Just… not yet.”
Persephone nodded, though she didn’t seem convinced that this was the wisest course of action. Hugh also appeared more contemplative than hopeful. Still, they both agreed to keep their opinions to themselves for now.
Not long after this, Nicholas—who was only three years old—started rubbing his eyes, visibly exhausted, as he tried to keep up with the older children. When he started to tearfully insist that he wasnottired and didnotneed a nap because hewasn’t a baby, Hugh gathered his son up in his arms, and Persephone ushered the girls toward the door. This took rather a long time, since each of the four girls appeared topositively needto hug Iris at least three times apiece.
When the Blackwoods had all finally piled back into their carriage, Nicholas drooling on his father’s shoulder, Sarah came down to fetch Iris. The maid had been standing in as a nurse while Ezra hunted for a new governess, but her appearance did little more than remind him that what he really wanted was for theoldgoverness to return.
Iris took little convincing to take her own nap, after all the excitement, and soon enough Ezra was alone in his parlor.
Funny how he had been in this room alone hundreds of times before and had never found itlonely, not in the way that he did now. He was relieved, at first, when Hermes padded gently into the room, her big paws quiet on the lush carpeting.
And then the dog took one look at him and growled, low in her throat. It wasn’t an aggressive sound, but more of a protective one, like she didn’t trust Ezra not to cause any harm.
“It’s not my fault she left,” he protested to the dog—before realizing that he was talking to a dog. But that felt better than sitting in silence, so he continued. “I could not figure out a way to keep her here without hurting her. Trust me. If I could have, I would have.”
Maybe the dog understood, or maybe Ezra just looked so pitiful in that moment that it was obvious he was not a threat. But Hermes whined a little, then rested her head on Ezra’s shoe.
It was more comfort than he deserved, he knew.
But he accepted it anyway.
* * *
Three days after she had moved into her new lodgings, Letitia began to have doubts. She had been insane to give up a good position for this uncertainty, hadn’t she? At Rutley House, she had been well-paid, safe, comfortable…
And Ezra had been there.
Every time she started to think through her concerns, that was where she landed. The reason she wanted to be back was thepeople—Ezra, yes, but Iris and Sarah, too—not any material concerns like thepay.
That was, she reminded herself firmly each time, exactly why she had needed to leave. The longer she stayed there, the more emotionally involved she would become—and the more painful it would be when things inevitably fell apart.
With this reminder always in her mind, she doggedly pressed on, reading advertisements and newspaper listings in search of a good position that would support her.
The prospects were not encouraging.
Thus, it was with a great surge of pleasure that Letitia opened a note from Ezra, asking her to come to visit Iris and sit in on an interview with a governess… even if the note itself gave her pause.
Miss Knightley, he had written politely.If you are available, would you be willing to visit Iris and meet a potential candidate for your replacement this afternoon? Your presence would be much appreciated. –Rutley
It was entirely proper. He had even signed with his title, not his name.
She had stared at that singular word for an extraordinarily long time. Did that mean that he didn’t want her to think thathewanted to see her? Was he using it to put distance betweenthem? Or was he just being respectable, since she had asked him to let her go?
She realized she could not stop thinking about how he had fled her new place as if it were on fire. It was as if a light had gone out in him—he had seemed interested, kind, and conciliatory, then…poof. Gone, like a witch in a fairy tale for children.
If that was how he needed to behave in order to extricate himself from their… liaison, she could not hold it against him. Not when she had been the one to insist on a separation.
But still, she fretted all through the morning and through the long walk across town, which she used both to settle her nerves and to save on the cab fare, now that she was surviving off her meager savings.
Maybe you will not even see him at all, she told herself as she walked and worried at her lower lip.Maybe you will be with the housekeeper to interview the governess. Or maybe you will do the whole thing on your own. Maybe that’s why he asked you in the first place—so that he didn’t have to attend the appointments himself.
By the time she had made her way back to the neat Rutley townhouse, she hadalmostconvinced herself that she probably wouldn’t even see Ezra at all.
