“If anyone from the staff sees me, they will talk,” she said as they slipped inside.
Ezra did not look nearly as bothered as he ought. “I think they will only assume that I am trying to lure you back to my employ,” he said. “Iris has quite enchanted the entire household, and she has made no secret of the fact that she misses you quite desperately. I would be widely praised for my clever hiring tactics.”
Letitia smiled because he was being silly and clever, but part of what he said gave her pause.
Hewould be praised.Shewould be ruined.
She tried to push away the worry, to let herself enjoy the last of this marvelous night, but apparently, she was unable to hide her disquiet. No sooner had they gotten up to the small upstairs parlor than Ezra looked at her, assessment in his eyes.
“Something is wrong,” he said softly. “What is it?”
She sighed. Damn, but he was perceptive. It was really quite profoundly annoying.
“Tonight was lovely,” she said, laying a hand on his arm because she could. For these few moments more, she could. “It truly was. But it was pretend. And it has to be over now, because Icannotbe seen with you.”
“You were seen with me tonight,” he countered, but she could tell from the gleam in his eye that he was saying it out of stubbornness.
She gentled her expression, because reality would be less familiar to him than it was to her. Circumstances had shielded him from truths like this one.
“I was,” she conceded. “But that only worked because my world issofar away from the one that we visited tonight that nobody there would ever recognize me. Governesses don’t go to the opera, so even if Ihappenedto see someone that I had worked for there, they wouldn’t see me. They would tell themselves that it must have been a trick of the light. Some other red-haired woman. Because, to them, it would be impossible that the woman who had taught their children was on the arm of a duke. Utterly impossible.”
He frowned, but he didn’t argue. For a long moment, he seemed to think over her words.
“I understand,” he said. “I know that I will neverknowit the way you do. But I understand. I just…” He trailed off, his lips twisting into a grimace. “I know it is going to sound so spoiled and selfish, but I just don’tcare.Their rules—Society, theton—those people are allout there. And in here?” When he turned to her, his eyes were beseeching. “In here, it is just us. And that has always felt as though it could not be wrong.”
Lord above, how Letitia wished that his pretty words could change things.
“Ezra,” she whispered, her voice a plea. She simply didn’t know exactly what she was begging him for.
“I know,” he said. He laid his hands on her shoulders, and her eyes fluttered shut, just so she could focus on memorizing this moment. The feel of his touch. The scent of his expensive soap. “I just… Can we have the rest of tonight? Since there is nobody here to see us? Just one last night for us?”
She should say no. Saying yes now would only make it hurt all the more later.
But she nodded, because she had never wanted anything nearly as badly as she wantedjust one last nightwith Ezra Swifton. Whatever pain came next, it would already be coming for her. Why should she not have one last beautiful memory to take with her along the hard path that followed?
So, she nodded. And he kissed her.
Maybe it was the frock, or the night they had spent out on the town together, pretending that what they had was real. Pretending they were equals, that she was the kind of woman his family would ever willingly embrace. Maybe it was that they had promised this would be the very last time.
Maybe it was all of those things—but from the start, this kiss was different.
Or maybe every kiss with him would always be different,she thought as he cupped his hands around her cheeks, drawing her in tenderly, as if they had done this a thousand times before.Maybe it would be different a hundred times, and I will never know.
The thought was heavy in a way that felt a whole lot like grief, but Letty pushed it aside. There would be time for that later.
So she moaned as he laced his fingers into her hair, the pads of his fingertips gently rubbing her scalp. Her head had been aching for hours from the unfamiliar way her curls were piled atop her crown—there was no sensible chignon for fine ladies at the opera—and the faint scratch of his nails sent a shiver down her spine so delicious that it nearly made her weak at the knees.
Ezra caught her moan in his mouth and returned it with a little laugh of his own.
“Not so comfortable with all those pins?” he asked, peppering her face with kisses.
She shook her head, basking in his attentiveness. “Truly, whatever madman decided this was the height of fashion needs to be pilloried.”
He laughed again and began plucking the pins from her hair, casting them aside carelessly. “Don’t you mean madwoman?”
“Absolutely not,” she said, hissing slightly when one of the pins tugged. His hands went directly to the spot, rubbing the pain until it vanished. “No woman would invent this. This was a man, and Iwillfind out which one.”
“I am quite good at uncovering information,” he told her. “I will help you exact your revenge.”
