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It’s so strange to think of those days, with my Goth daughter and her friend having sleepovers in Sophia’s childhood home. I never could’ve dreamed that the dorky girl in braces would come to mean the world to me.
“Hello,” she says quietly, walking over to the table.
She walks around it and takes the seat on the other side of Sophia and me, as though wordlessly telling us it’s us against her.
“Do you want a drink?” I ask.
“No,” she says. “I just want to find out what the hell’s going on, really. And how long. And why. And when. And everything … I want to know everything.”
I sigh and sit down, nodding for Sophia to do the same. She stays standing for a few long moments and then, after letting out a short shaky sigh, she drops back into her seat and lays her hands on the table.
“Cait, you need to know I’d never hurt you,” Sophia says.
“You think I don’t know that?” Caitlin snaps. “Or didn’t know that, anyway?” She picks at the edge of the table with her thumbnail. “I just don’t understand how this happened.”
“It happened quickly,” I say, struggling to hide the shivering emotion in my voice, the need, the pain, and the rage.
The rage is the worst, aimed at myself for the way I’ve shaken up my daughter’s world.
“How quickly?”
“The day I started at Solomon Sky Digital,” Sophia murmurs.
Caitlin’s eyes almost explode out of her head. She leans back, turning from me to Sophia and back again as though we’ve gone crazy.
“That was like a week ago,” she gasps. “How can that be possible?”
“When you know, you know,” I say. “I invited her up to my office like I do with all my new employees, and something just clicked. I can’t explain it. It was like … goddamn it, I don’t care if I sound cheesy. It was like the world finally made sense to me. This isn’t just a fling, Caitlin. Sophia means everything to me. I’m going to be with her for the rest of my life.”
“Wait, just wait,” Caitlin says. She closes her eyes for a moment. “My head is spinning. I need a drink, actually.”
“Water, soda?”
“Water’s fine.”
I walk into my open-plan loft apartment and head across my large living room to the kitchen. I grab a glass and hold it in the refrigerator compartment, waiting for the mechanism to start. As the water pours, I try to see onto the balcony, but the angle doesn’t let me. There’s too much space for me to hear what they’re talking about.
Maybe they’re not talking. Maybe they’re just staring at each other.
I keep waiting for one of them to explode and shout.
I can’t get back out there fast enough.
I return with her drink to find Caitlin standing at the balcony railing, silhouetted by the sunlight.
I arch an eyebrow at Sophia, asking her a silent question.
Maybe I should be stunned by how quickly we’ve eased into these silent communications, but it just feels natural, right, almost like destiny.
The man I was before Sophia came into my life would’ve laughed at such a thought, but I can’t.
Sophia shakes her head, as if to say, I don’t know.
I sigh and place Caitlin’s glass on the table.
“Caitlin,” I say quietly.
“I just need a second,” she says.
At least she hasn’t got a sob shimmering in her voice. That’s something. When I was in the kitchen making her the drink, my mind flooded with a thousand scenarios and none of them were good.
This one isn’t great, either – she won’t even look at us – but at least tears aren’t streaming down her cheeks.
I sit down and fight the urge to reach across and touch Sophia’s face. I can see the sadness trying to warp her features, her eyes twitching with the suggestion of tears.
But the last thing we need is for Caitlin to turn around and see us touching, driving her deeper into confusion and resentment.
“Dad,” she says finally, turning to face me. “You haven’t been with a woman since Mom. I know that. I used to think you were just good at hiding it, but I know that’s not the case anymore. I don’t know how I know. I guess I can just sort of sense it. I’m right, aren’t I?”
“Yes,” I tell her. “I’ve never felt the urge to be with anyone. To be honest, I thought I was going to be alone for the rest of my life before Sophia.”
Sophia lets out a little intoxicating puff of air from beside me, clasping her hands together. The desire to turn to her and tell her I love her floods up within me, making my chest tight with the need for it.
I don’t know how I keep my gaze on my daughter instead.
“And this isn’t a fling,” Caitlin goes on.
