Failure.
The word implants itself right in that dangerous self-deprecating part of my brain that I can’t seem to shut off.
My heart rate is picking up and my palms feel sweaty.
Run.
It’s like my flight or fight response is ticked on and the only thing I know how to do is run away from my problems.
“Excuse me for a moment,” I say, avoiding eye contact with the men, and head toward the bathroom without a reply from either of them.
There are just two gender neutral private bathrooms and I enter the vacant one. I splash my flushed cheeks with water and I try to tone down all these emotions I usually repress. What would it feel like to just let it all out? Even crazier, what would it feel like to let someone shoulder some of this anguish with me?
What if I allowed myself to not feel so alone?
A soft tap breaks me out of my spell.
“Just a moment,” I call out.
When I open the door, Lain holds the top of the door frame, looking at me with a worried expression.
11
lain
“Wasit the story about you falling in shit?” I ask Greer, and he shakes his head.
“You did nothing wrong, Lain. I shouldn’t have touched her earlier,” he says, shaking his head. “She’s going through a lot, but she’s also so touch starved and in need of taking care of. I just couldn’t help myself.”
“It’s not your fault, either. She’s got a lot on her mind. I’ll go check on her.”
I walk to the back of the restaurant, giving her some time in case she really did just need to use the loo. Her words rattle around in my head about not wanting anything serious, yet Greer’s words ring so true.
She’s lost and fuck if I don’t want to help her, even if I get hurt in the process.
I rap my knuckles against the door and she eventually answers.
“Oh, Lain. I’ll be right back,” she says, her voice timid and shy.
Her eyes look glassy, and I hate it. I want to wrap her up in my arms and hold her tight.
“Maisie, I’m going to hug you now.”
“Oh, alright,” she says sheepishly and I do just that, embracing her against my body, cradling the back of her head, pressing her face against my chest. I wish she could scent me, I’d give anything to be able to soothe her in that way.
Her grip on the back of my jumper is tight as she holds me right back. I rub a hand up and down her spine, hoping that I’m at least making things better not worse.
“Do you want to go back to your room tonight?” I ask her simply, and she nods. “Alright, let’s get you tucked in, then.”
“I’m sorry, Lain. I feel like I keep dumping all my shit on you and Greer, and it’s not fair.”
“Greer and I are fully grown strong men. I think we know what we can handle.”
I can tell that she’s at war with herself, wanting to break away from the hug, but also wanting to hold on for dear life. So I hold her even tighter, resting my cheek on the top of her head.
“How about we act like you’re not on holiday, just ignore it all? You let me and Greer be your Alphas for the rest of the month, hmm?”
She pulls back, looking up at me with her eyebrows pinched. I’ve shocked her, and myself I suppose, but this intrinsic need to take care of her is just too strong.
