“Holy shit,” Birdie says.
“Yeah.”
“Are you going to take it?”
“I don’t know,” I reply and I swear Callum’s scent is souring. He looks away from the mirror and I stare out the side of the window the rest of the ride.
I need to talk to Greer and Lain and I just need a second of Callum’s scent not choking me while I think. I’m really trying to not have another mental breakdown in the backseat, and Birdie must see that as she squeezes my thigh.
“It’s okay, Maisie.”
I give her a nod, trying to hold back tears. It’s not that I don’t want to stay. I’m just scared, terrified actually, of leaving the safety of everything I’ve ever known.
“I’ll drop you off at Nan’s first,” Graham says, him and Callum aren’t speaking right now. Honestly, there’s even more tension in the car than there was on the way here.
I’ve always been someone who analyzes risk. Thinking about the what-ifs is what keeps you safe. Making sure that you have a backup plan is always the best route to protect yourself. If I bet everything on Scotland I’d have no fall-back plan, no support system, nowhere to go to.
So much for not panicking again, at least this time I’m not full on hyperventilating. Instead, it feels like I’m going to throw up and I can’t stop shaking my leg in the backseat.
“Sorry, Graham, can you pull over? I think I’m going to be sick.”
“Shite, yeah,” he says quickly, pulling off to the side of the road.
I exit the car immediately, and get some ways away from the road before I empty out my entire breakfast while looking at the most beautiful scenery in the world.
“Maisie, it’s not like you to get sick like this on car rides. Is everything okay?” Birdie says, rubbing my back and I shake my head.
I knew when the trip started I was close to burnout, that I hadn’t processed the last couple of months, that I was hopelessly alone and it finally feels like it’s all catching up to me.
“Here,” Callum says in his deep timbre, handing me a water bottle.
“Thanks.” I use it to swish out my mouth first, before taking a few tentative steps.
“Is this because of last night?” He shoves his hands in his pockets, rocking back and forth, hardly even looking at me.
“What? No. Kind of. No.”
“It was the job offer?”
I sit down on the grass, and Birdie squeezes my shoulder, leaving me here with Callum as she heads back off to the car. He takes a seat next to me, and I try but can’t help myself as I lean in closer. His scent and presence are calming to me.
“Two weeks ago, that would have been my dream. I’ve never made an impulsive decision in my life, ya know? I started looking into colleges freshman year of high school, by sophomore year I’d narrowed it down to two. When it came time for applications, I only applied to one school. When it was time to find an apartment, I viewed forty-eight properties and created a spreadsheet of pros and cons until I narrowed it down to one.”
I pick at some grass, mindlessly pulling it, not looking at Callum.
“I haven’t dated since college, and even then it was nothing serious. When I went to heat facilities, I had the same Alphas service my heat every time because their scents were just fine, they were average looking, and I knew I wouldn’t ever ask them to bond with me. My life was a routine, and I thought I liked it, and then I came here and everything has changed. It feels like one choice dictates the rest of my life and I’m so fucking scared.”
Callum doesn’t speak. He wraps his arm around my shoulder and squeezes before kissing my hair.
“If my vote counts for anything, I hope you stay.”
Words I needed to hear from Callum, from my scent match, help some of this turmoil in my stomach. I say nothing back, because I’m pretty sure my mind is made up.
29
greer
Lain has a tour,which he was pretty fucking sour about, since he couldn’t be here to greet Maisie when she got back. We’ve both missed her more than either of us would like to admit.
