I look up information about going off my deodorizers so abruptly and what potential risks are involved. None of it is enough to deter me, but there are some worrying side effects.
After that I look up everything there is to know about scent matches. Scientifically, it doesn’t seem like they can pinpoint the how or whys of it all, but there are a lot of personal accounts and studies done for scent-matched packs. Most of the Omegas report the same things as I’m feeling, the main thing being an intense pull to their mates.
There are a few articles written where the Omega was on scent blockers and or deodorizers and were drawn to their scent matches before ever having scented each other—just like us.
On the other side of things, there’s some resentment online about scent matches, how people feel like they don’t have control over their life, which is relatable as fuck.
There are always the what ifs. I saw it firsthand with my mother. When she first met my dad, he was a dream, and then he up and left her with two kids without a second thought to pursue something else. People can seem like one thing at first, but it takes time to show their true colors.
But I’m taking a gamble on this pack, even if it is the scariest thing I’ve ever done. I don’t take my pill or lather up with deodorizers and I just have to wait for everything to wear off.
When I walk into our room at the B&B, Birdie is tossing shit around, her scent back on full display and I just stare at her.
“Birdie?”
She turns to face me, but then goes back to piling shit on her bed.
“Birdie, what are you doing?”
“I don’t know!” She doesn’t say it at me angrily, just that she’s frustrated with her own behavior.
“Are you looking for something?”
“The opposite, I found it and I-I-I,” she stutters before tears fall from her eyes.
“Hey. Hey,” I say, walking around and squeezing her tight.
Part of me wants to tell her everything, but I’m not sure if that’s fair to the guys. They should be the first ones to know that they’re my scent matches.
Honestly, the way Birdie is acting leads me to believe we’re both in the same boat and we’re just trying not to sink. So instead of discussing the elephant in the room—scent matches—I drop a secondary bomb that I hope will give her some sort of comfort.
“I’m thinking about staying.”
She pauses, breaks away from our hug and looks at me like she’s never seen me before.
“You’re not taking the job in London or going back to Chicago?”
I shake my head, my own eyes welling with tears and oh my God, I promise to never bundle up my emotions ever again with the way they’ve been seeping out of me this whole damn trip.
“I think here is home.”
Her dark brows furrow. “You’re never impulsive,” she says.
“I know and maybe you are a little bit, but that doesn’t define you, Birdie. You know, I’ve been jealous of you for a long time.”
Her lips part in shock and she again stares at me like I’ve been body snatched.
“The way you’re so free, and willing to dive head first into an adventure, and how generous you are with your heart.”
“Probably too generous,” Birdie says with a sniff.
“Just because you’ve fallen hard and fast in the past doesn’t mean that the same thing will happen again.”
“What about you? You’re not just staying to make me feel better, are you?”
“I’m definitely not that evolved, Birdie."
We laugh and look at each other for a long moment.
