Then it hits me like a cold splash of water to the face—he’s telling me without telling me.
Ah, little mama,he’d said.That’s when you listen to my actions and not my words.
A goofy grin starts in my stomach and climbs its way to my mouth as I peer down at him. Not knowing what to do with my arms, I let them rest awkwardly on his chest. His big hand grabs one of mine and presses it to his bald head. “Rub?”
The eagerness in his tone makes it impossible to resist. “Okay, you big baby,” I tease. Small circles first, then ones that radiate further, the extremely short prickles of hair tickling my palm. A person can look completely different with their eyes closed. Vulnerable, even. Connor certainly looks boyish now, relaxed and content under my touch. I run a finger around the black ink around his neck. I wonder if it goes further down.
Down his chest. Abs or groin, even.
I wonder if I’ll get to find out.
I hope I do.
“I’ll get supper started in a bit,” he mumbles drowsily.
He’s too sweet. “You don’t have to cook for me, Connor. I’ve been doing it for years now.”
One dark brown eye cracks open. “I like cooking for you.”
“All right,” I acquiesce. “But only because you’re really good at it.”
A ghost of a smile appears as I go back to massaging his scalp. What would he look like with hair? His eyebrows are dark, so maybe it’d be dark brown or black. Maybe even with a bit of gray. Mhmm. It’s hard to believe he’s thirteen years older than me.
Connor’s head grows heavier in my lap, breaths coming deeper and slower. Aww... The big guy is passed out. Feelings of guilt puddle in my chest. He said his dad’s been taking care of his animals, but I feel terrible for taking him away from his pets. Away from his work, possibly. And he cooks twice a day and even makes sure I have lunch to take. On top of that, he still refuses to take any money from me.
Money. When I’d asked him if he’d seen Silas when he dropped the rest of his things off, he gave a secret smile and handed me a wad of cash, saying it was compliments of my ex. It was almost two thousand dollars! I can’t believe the asshat was sitting on that much money and not helping out without me forcing him to.
Jerk.
Easing up slightly so I don’t disturb Connor, I grab my phone. Time to open up the calculator app and tally up what my new monthly expenses are going to be and how much I’ll have left over after my raise. I wonder how much I could put toward a new place since the lease here is about to expire. I really don’t want to have to live in this hellhole for another year or two.
Many minutes and many calculations later, I reach a sobering conclusion: it’s just too damn expensive to live anywhere and still survive, let alone thrive. Rent, food, utilities, a car, gas to fill the car, doctor appointments, the birth...
Fuck.
Even with a raise, I won’t be able to afford having these babies on my own. And afterward? I dread the thought of having to leave my babies in the care of others while I go to work. There won’t be any time to spend with them by the time I pick them up and bring them home.
Placing my phone on the arm of the couch, I stare at the popcorn ceiling and quietly sigh. I’ll find a way. There’s got to be a way to make things work. My eyelids grow heavy, drifting closed without any help from me. Connor has the right idea. A little nap is perfect.
Just...
...perfect.
My arm vibrates, waking me up. No, not my arm. My phone. I frown as I see the caller. Why would she be calling me this late after work? I slide the icon to answer. “Mrs. Wright? Is everything okay?”
“Oh, Rosanna,” she rushes out. “Thank God I was able to reach you. Mr. Wright is usually home by now, but he isn’t answering his phone or the shop’s phone. You wouldn’t happen to still be at work, would you? He didn’t mention needing the both of you to stay late for any inventory, but I was thinking maybe he forgot.”
Connor stirs, staring up at me sleepily. Immediately, I think of how strange my boss was acting this afternoon. As if he didn’t feel well. “No, I’m already at home. He let me off early.”
“Oh, dear,” Mrs. Wright frets.
“But don’t worry, Mrs. Wright. I’m sure there’s a reason. Tell you what, I’ll go check on him and call you from the store, okay? I’m sure everything’s okay,” I repeat, even as concern spreads through my veins. Dropping the phone, I look down to Connor. “Mr. Wright didn’t make it home yet and he’s not answering his phone. Can we go by the shop right quick?”
Alertness chases away Connor’s residual sleepiness. “Yeah. Yeah, of course. Let’s go.”
The entire ride there, nerves grip me. I shouldn’t have left him. Should have made him go to the doctor. When I tell Connor, he lifts my hand to his mouth for a kiss. “It’s probably nothing major. Maybe he forgot to charge his phone and is on his way home even now.”
Maybe, but something tells me that’s not the case.
