A job took him away a few days ago, and as much as I miss him, I’m glad for the space to clear my mind. But there’s no clearing it of certain things, because no matter how much I busy myself with chores, my thoughts always circle back to him.
Hoping some fresh air will do me good, I trudge back to the oak tree where he kissed me three months ago. It had always been my favorite tree because of all the enormous branches that were easy to climb, but now it’s my favorite for a different reason. Remembering that moment now with the knowledge that he’s not my brother, I can replay every second and experience it without guilt.
Although the memory has me still blushing just as fiercely.
“There you are. I’ve been looking for you.”
At first, I think I must have conjured Sullivan, but when I register the softer tone and glance down, I realize it’s Momma.
“Is there room for me up there?” There’s such tentative hopefulness to her tone that I can’t say no.
“Of course.” Fanning my heated face, I scoot over.
She climbs with ease, and once she’s settled beside me, she leans back and closes her eyes. “I can see why you like it up here. It’s very peaceful.”
“It is,” I reply quietly. “And on days like today when the breeze rustles all the leaves, I love it even more. It’s a good thinking place.”
Momma cracks an eye open. “Care to share what someof those thoughts are? I can tell something’s been different with you lately. Not bad different, just different.”
I shrug and look away for a moment. “I don’t know if I can put it into words.”
“Would any of those thoughts be about Sullivan and, say…any feelings you might have toward him?”
The question is asked so casually that I almost don’t believe my ears. “What—how did you…?”
There’s a twinkle in her blue eyes. “It’s a mother’s job to pick up on these things.”
Dumbstruck, I gape at her.
“Close your mouth before a bee flies into it,” she teases. “Besides, I’ve noticed the way he looks at you recently.”
“You’re right,” I admit with no small amount of relief as I collapse against the tree. “I’m so confused. He’s always been my brother, and when he’s suddenly not, I see him as an entirely different person. A person I might not think of as a brother anymore but more like…like a man. A man who doesn’t think of me as a sister either. Is that…bad?” I cringe awaiting her reaction, but all she does is thoughtfully ponder.
“I don’t know that I’d call it bad. Perhaps a bit unusual. Or perhaps not, given the circumstances.” She tucks away some loose strands when the wind blows them into my face. “We raised you as brother and sister, but there’s always been a unique bond between the two of you. There’s absolutely no denying that. So I suppose I would have been more surprised if it hadn’t happened by now.”
“He told me he was leaving Hope’s Stand,” I confess in abject misery. My heart deflates at the thought, and the more I think on it, the flatter it gets. “And he asked me to come with him.”
“Ahh…I see,” Momma says with more calm than I’d expect. “Is that what you want to do?”
I burst into tears. “I don’t know! He makes me so confused because I want to be with him because he’s my Sully and he always takes care of me, but I don’t want to leave you and Papa and Cecily.”
“Oh, my darling girl, come here,” she soothes. “It’s all right.”
I fall into my mother’s open arms so she can make everything better like she always does, but for the first time, there’s a bittersweet tinge to it. This is something a mother may not be able to fix.
When the worst of my crying subsides, she pulls back to study my tear-streaked face. “Do you love him?”
“I think so.” But I don’t know.
As if she read my mind—which she probably did—Momma grabs my hands. “Thinking so isn’t the same as knowing. Close your eyes for a moment.”
I stifle a hiccup and do as she says.
“Imagine yourself in your mind, and have her close her eyes, too.”
I immediately picture myself sitting peacefully right here in this tree, and the inner me has her eyes tightly shut. “Okay.”
“Now imagine her most joyful moment, whether it’s when she finds a stray baby animal or when she has a funny story to tell. Who’s the first person she wants to share it with?”
