And in this case, it’s both. Mara hasn’t even come close to telling me all the things she’s been through, but what little I do know has been enough to hang over my thoughts like a storm cloud well into the next week. I tried to keep it hidden so she wouldn’t think I was mad at her, but I don’t know how well I did.
Now I stare up at the dark ceiling in our room and listen to the small noises my wife makes in her sleep. If I was protective over the two of them before, I’m even more so now. Can’t stop shadowing Mara throughout the day and telling Emmaline how much her momma and papa love her. Can’t stop holding my wife even more tightly at night. And with how she either sleeps with her head to my chest or her hand over my heart, I don’t think she minds it either. But I want more. I want her closer. Need it. So close that I don’t even know if tearing myself open so she could crawl inside would be enough.
Mara’s feet shift beneath the covers and slip between my calves. For warmth from the chill in the room, or is she just restless? She’s strong. I knew it from the first time I saw her fierceness, but how the hell did her slight shoulders manage to carry this heavy burden for four long years? She’d saidshe didn’t know the exact date of her birth, but even so, that makes her at least eighteen now with the innocence of childhood forever ripped from her. Imagining our little girl the same age puts a thick knot in my throat. Men who would do that to women and children are vicious animals, and the only thing to do with a vicious animal is to put it down.
There’s a subtle change in Mara’s breathing, then her body gradually comes to awareness. I feel the weight of her gaze in the dark, so I shake away my unsettled thoughts. “Hey,” I whisper.
“You couldn’t sleep?” she whispers back.
“Kinda hard to sleep when you’re holding a beautiful woman.”
“Warren…”
The exasperation in her voice pulls a chuckle from me. “Wife,” I tease in return. “Do you not believe me? If I have to tell you every day until you believe it, I will. No hardship for me.” Then, just because I can—because she now allows me to—I drag her even closer and release a heavy sigh into her hair as I throw a leg over hers. If she feels good against me now, I can only imagine how much better it will be when she fills out more.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. You were just too far away.”
Quiet falls, and I almost think she’s falling back to sleep until she speaks again. “I wouldn’t blame you, you know.”
“Blame me for what?” I keep my voice low.
Mara tries to pull away, but I don’t let her. When she finally answers, her words are even softer than before. “If maybe you were rethinking your decision to keep us.”
“The hell are you talking about?” I didn’t mean to cuss at her, but really. What in blazes is she thinking?
“I’m not blind, Warren,” she snaps back in a hot whisper. “I haven’t known you long, but even I can tell you’re not yourself. Christ,” she mutters, rubbing a hand over her forehead. “You haven’t even been humming anymore, and with the long face you’ve been wearing, anyone could see that you might be having second thoughts about what you got yourself into. Things only changed since last week. Since I told you about…about my past. If it’s not learning about that, what else could it be?”
No. Before I can stop myself, I roll us over and brace on my forearms as she gasps beneath me. “Woman, why the hell would I wrap myself around you like a blanket every night if I didn’t want to keep you?”
Her eyes shine brightly in the small bit of moonlight. “So you don’t think I’m dirty? Or too used?”
Every quiet word is a blow to my chest with a force stronger than any man’s fist. “Wife,” I growl. “You aren’t dirty. You were used against your will. And you can throw the idea of me having second thoughts about you right out the window. It’s me I’ve been thinking about. Hating on myself for not being able to stop any of this from happening to you. Hating the thought that I’d been living my life without a care, all while you were living through literal hell.” That’s what eats at me. How could I have slept so peacefully at night while my wife was being raped and abused?
“But you couldn’t have stopped it.”
“And neither could you,” I cut in firmly. “But by God, I swear to you that Blackwood’s a dead man walking, and he’s never going to lay a goddamn hand on either one of you. Doesn’t matter if he had part in making Emmaline. He’s a piece of shit living on borrowed days. Our baby’s gonna grow up knowing she’s safe. That I’m her papa and I love her and her momma.” Now the truth is out. I didn’t want to tell her like this, but it’s been inevitable from the beginning.I’m a Shay, plain and simple. Love always happens once we set our sights on our woman, and Mara’s been mine from the start. “You’re mine, too, and our bed is the last one you’re ever gonna be in.”
“You…you love me?” Mara swallows. “But you haven’t even touched me.”
“I do. I love you and Emmaline more than life itself. And I haven’t touched you because we both know you’re not ready. Your body and heart need time to heal.” I give her more of my weight as I press her into the bed. God Almighty, her quick gasp and the softness of her breasts harden my shaft to the point of steel.
Maybe I’m moving too fast, but I need her to understand this. “Mark my words, Mrs. Shay. There’ll come a time when we learn each other’s bodies. When I lay you down on this bed and finally learn what you taste like between your legs.”
“Warren,” she moans breathily, those very same legs opening up and making room for me. “What…?”
There’s nothing innocent about my movements as I tell her exactly what our future holds. “Mhmm, you like the thought of that? Yeah, with those pretty thighs spread open and your ankles hooked over my shoulders, you’re gonna melt just like sugar in a tea cup, aren’t you? Gonna give yourself to me as I kiss my way up your leg until I reach right…here.” Since I can’t be inside her yet, I allow my cock to press over her center. Bad idea. Now I just want to grind my hips into her. “Fuckkk, wife.”
Her broken whimper stutters across my chest as her hands hesitantly glide up my arms. The way she squirms and tangles her fingers tightly in my hair tells me she wants it to happen, too. I’ve never done anything like that to a woman before, but my mouth waters at the thought of my first time with her.
With my wife.
Christ, I’m gonna blow in my trousers if I don’t put a stop to this now.
“Lots of things I’m gonna do to show you how much I love you. But before I kiss you there, I wanna kiss these sweet little lips.” I drop my mouth to hover over hers, and I inhale each puff of her quick breaths. God knows I’m playing with fire right now, but being burned has never been so tempting. “Do you want that, wife? Want me to make sweet love to your mouth to apologize for not kissing you on our wedding night?”
“Yes,” Mara breathes, lashes hiding her eyes from me. “But only you.”
