“We just started it, gadha,” Priti says.
“Don’t call me a gadha.” I shoot her a glare but she just rolls her eyes. Instead of replying, she edges closer to me and lays her head on my shoulder. Despite the fact that Priti had a weird growth spurt a few years back where she actually grew taller than me, I managed to outgrow her eventually. We’re still almost the same height but I have a few inches on her. I wear them with pride.
I’m tempted to push Priti off of me now since I’m not really in the mood to have 128 extra pounds on top of me this early in the morning, but knowing how Priti gets in the morning—cranky, like really, really cranky—I decide that I’ll leave her be. I make the mental note to not let this become a habit.
Instead I put my arm around her shoulder and lean back against the railing. I watch the trees and buildings and people rush by outside the window, trying my best not to think about the way Ammu seemed to avoid my eyes this morning.
Something like regret weighs heavily on me, but it’s not regret, exactly. It’s something adjacent to it. Shame, maybe? Or the regret that something didn’t happen the way I wanted it to, that things had to turn sour. Or in this case,silent.
As soon as we slip into school, Priti waves goodbye and runs off, no doubt to find Ali and fill her in on all of the wedding shenanigans. I watch her disappear down the hallway, weaving through crowds of girls wearing the same checkered maroon uniforms, her bag swinging behind her. Before I have a chance to turn around, somebody has wrapped me in a tight embrace.
“Nishat!” A familiar voice squeals in my ears. I turn around to find two delighted faces staring back at me. There’s Chaewon, with her dark black hair at least a few inches longer than I remember it to be. Beside her stands Jess, with brand-new bangs that cover half of her face. It feels like I haven’t seen them for an eternity, even though it’s only been a few months.
“Hey!” I muster up the brightest smile I can offer at this time of the morning.
“We missed you!” they say in almost perfect chorus. Then Idosmile, because I’ve missed this. Chaewon and Jess, joined at the hip to the point that they’re finishing each other’s sentences.
“I missed you too,” I offer. “I have to go by the lockers and dump all of these books.” I point at the giant bag swinging from my back, filled to the brim with all of my books. Maybe that’s what’s weighing on me, instead of the regret adjacent thing?
“We’ll meet you at the assembly, okay?”
“Sure.” Waving goodbye, I head toward the lockers. There are chattering girls in every single corner of the school. Leaning against lockers and walls, catching up with delighted squeals after a summer spent apart. All girls Catholic schools aren’t always the most exciting places to be, but there’s something enthralling about being back here and seeing everyone again after a whole summer. I bite back a smile as I swing open my locker door. I haven’t even thought about what I’m going to tell Chaewon and Jess.IfI’m going to tell them anything. Now, with that regret adjacent feeling inside of me, I don’t know if I want to tell them at all. I don’t know if I can stand to lose my family and friends all at the same time.
“Hey, Nishat,” a familiar voice mumbles from beside me. When I turn, Flávia is opening up the locker right beside mine.
I blink.
Did I fall asleep? Did I hit my head on my locker somehow? Did my heavy bag cut off the blood flow to my brain?
“Um. Hi. Why … are you here?” The question is out of my mouth before I can stop it, and I can feel the heat rising up my cheeks. For once I’m glad for my dark skin, which somewhat obscures what would otherwise be a red face.
She smiles. The dimple makes an appearance.
My heartbeat escalates more than should be humanly possible.
“I just started here. Did I not mention that?”
No, she hadn’t mentioned it. If she had I’d have thought about it nonstop, I’m pretty sure.
“What … are …” I’m in the middle of blurting out another nonsensical question when the crackle of the intercom interrupts me. Principal Murphy’s nasally voice fills the hallway.
“Good morning. All students should proceed to the main hall for assembly. We’ll begin at eight-thirty sharp. Any latecomers will receive a late slip. Thank you.”
Short and sweet, that’s Principal Murphy’s style.
“We should probably …” Flávia gestures with a nod of her head. Except she’s nodding in exactly the opposite direction of the hall.
“Do you … know where the main hall is?”
It’s her turn to look flustered. I notice a bloom of pink in her dark cheeks and it sends goosebumps across my skin. She shakes her head.
“I thought maybe I could pretend not to be such a newbie.” She chuckles.
“It’s okay. Follow me.” I begin to lead the way, weaving through crowds of excited schoolgirls who are also shuffling toward the hall. My heart is still beating a little too fast and I’m trying to tell it to stop hammering, to stop getting its hopes up, to stop feeling … well,feelings.
When we enter the hall alongside a trickle of other girls, I spot Priti almost immediately. She’s in a deep conversation with Ali but looks up and catches my eyes as soon as I walk in. Her eyebrows shoot up to her hairline at the sight of me. Or—probably—at the sight of Flávia by my side. I’m not looking forward to whatever she has to say later, but right now I don’t really care that much.
From the other side of the hall, Chaewon and Jess wave me over. I’m about to sidle over to them but Flávia’s voice stops me.
